Chaos in Haven
by slinko
Summary: Several insane mudgirls arrive at Haven one day and chaos ensues! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHpieHAHAHAHA! HAVEN WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAH! And Turnball will be in it! :D cuz he's only in 1 other fic. Isn't that stupid? poor turnball
1. discovery

**disclaimer: gues what I don't ooooowwn:D**

**Well, this is a oneshot based on somethign me and my sister were talking about. It started out with a casual conversation about gold and switzerland. **

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Sari was an average(?) girl, going to an average(crappy) school, leading an average (boring) life. She was currently in school, seventh period science class, and everyone in the class was researching a different element. Sari had gotten the element gold. At first, she was dissapointed that she didn't get a radioactive element, like radium or something. But then, she saw the beauty and riches of Gold . And power. Sari liked power. 

Anyways, She was researching gold, when she came upon a very interesting fact. She read over a few times, and then looked up at corwin, will, and amanda.

"America bought billions of dollars of gold. This Gold is being kept in a vault in the country of Switzerland. The vault is currently being guarded by a group of individuals who call themselves The gnomes of Zurich." She stated. They all stared at her.

"Nevermind. Cheese is good." She mumbled to herself...But then! Then she had a sudden realization!!!! Sari jumped up on the table and looked at all the students in the library.

"AMAZING! IT'S AMAZING! I KNEW IT WAS TRUE! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!!!" she screamed. Her science teacher was shocked. Corwin was laughing insanely. Amanda was smiling. She liked it when people did stupid things. Will was skinning a hippo--er-he was um...staring in bewilderment. yeah that's it.

"What? You guys don't get it? Oh I haven't explained anything yet have I? hmm. Well, anyways, the main point is that I've discovered an entrance to the secret city of Haven!!! Woo! I can glomp root!" she excalimed.

There was an akward silence. Everyone was to in shock.

" What's haven? and why are you on the table? Aren't you usually the quiet shy person?" Asked one of the moronic boys in my class. You know the type. The jerks and #$!'s.

"FOOL! That's only how I act in school. Y'see, out of school, i'm actually very animated and stuff. But anyways, I have obtained the knowledge of how to get to haven city! **OHMYGAWSH!!! i'M OUTTA HERE!"** screamed Sari at the top of her lungs, and she rushed out of the library. Her science teacher, Mr.Tusai, finally snapped out of the shock and went after her.

While Sari was running down the hall, she ran into officer Pop. Officer Pop was the police officer that patroled the halls of IMS. She was commonly known to pop up at the most horrible time for students. It was rumored that she knew secret passageways through the school. Students often referred to her as either "The Pop" or "That stupid lady".

" And what are you doing? You go back to class right--no, you're going straight to the office for blah blah blah blah blah blah" Pop went on babbling about something that Sari really didn't care about. She needed to get to Haven! If she didn't...she didn't wanna even THINK abotu how much she would hate herself! And so...she did soemthing completely stupid...

She punched an armed police officer in the face as hard as she could. This caused Officer Pop to explode. How that works out, I have no idea. Oh well, i'll look that up later. So anyways, Sari ran out of the school and pulled out her cell phone, that in real life, she doesn't have. Sari dialed up a number and spoke.

"Hey, I need a private jet to fly me to switzerland, pronto." she said, and she hung up. Five minuted later a jet arrived. Sari ran onto it right as her science teacher came out of the building.

Sari wiped the sweat off of her forehead. She had gotten away with things so far, but how long could this good luck last? Sari looked out the window. SHRIST! The teacher had let loose the B.W.J.D!!!! In other words, The Badgers With Jetpacks Department! Sari gritted her teeth. The badger would drag her back to class and she would never get a chance to visit haven and glomp the hell out of root! Thinking quickly, Sari ran up to the front of the jet and pushed one of the pilots on the ground. Thankfully, the piolet was only critically injured.

Sari used the jets machine guns to destroy the BWJD. It was working succesfully until...

The author of the story decided to go get some pudding!

Author : Damn! I could really use some puddin' right now!

Story: Nooooo! You have to write meeeeee!

Author: (gets up to go get pudding)

Story: (cries)

--times passes---

(author sits down at computer)

Story: I missed you.

Author: Shut up.

Anyways, where were we? Ah yes...Sari fired the machine guns at the badgers. It was a fearsome battle, guns shooting badgers, badgers eating cheese sandwhiches. Until eventually, the author got tired of typing about the battle so lets just say that all the badgers exploded.K?

Anyways, so the jet was currently flying to switzerland, and, being a jet, it gets there within a few hours. But, Sari had connections straight to the aliens. See, this wasn't an ordinairy jet, this was an ALIEN jet! Therefore, it could go at speeds of nearly 5,000 miles per hour! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So anyways, Sari's jet reached switzerland in a matter of minutes. Yay! Sari's jet landed at the nearest airport and she walked out of it. She looked around.

_"hmmm. An airport. A SWEDISH airport...wait...would that be swedish or swiss? I think it would be swiss. yeah. I should write a Gaahina fanfic. _" Thought sari as she walked through the airport. Sari was about to leave,when something reminded her about an 'errand' that she had to do.

"FLIGHT 6 WILL BE DELAYED FOR ABOUT 15 MINUETS, WE'RE SORRY FOR THE INCONVINIENCE." Blared the intercom. Sari grinned evilly.

Sari turned around and walked up to a door marked 'staff only!'. She reached for the door and opened it up. Sari walked right in and knocked the intercom drone over the head with some luggage that she mugged off some homeless guy. Sari pushed the uncoincious intercome freak into a closet. She slowly picked up the microphone and did something that she wanted to do all her life...

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**BUM BUM BUUUUMM! yeah. The first chapter barely had any artemis fowl content at all. But the next few chapters are gonna have artemis fowl. MMhhmm...yeah...**

**go reveiw you filthy worms.**


	2. Take me to haven

**disclaimer: This is chapter two. not chapter twelve.**

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**

Sari put the microphone thingy close to her mouth and said the following.

"The flight mmmpplebrggppll has been delayed for mmmmmpphlgggrrfff hours. If you are riding this plane, please mmmrpppiinnggffllrrflle. Thank you." Said sari, and she put the microphone down and left the airport.

Inside of the airport, chaos ensued. People had no idea if their flight had been delayed. or for how long. They all swarmed that one guy that always gets swarmed when something goes wrong. They began to ask him questions. But he didn't know the answers. So he killed himself and then founded a small chocolate company in the city of Venice.

Meanwhile at Sari...

Sari was walking to teh biggest bank in Switzerland. When she got there, she saw a whole buttload of armed dudes. They reminded her of Butler, so, naturally, she glomp-ed them.

"GLOMP!!!" she screamed. The armed dude pushed her away from him. Sari squeed.

"IT IS TEH BUTLER!! OHMIGOSH! YOU SHOULD DRESS UP LIKE A TREE! Changing the subject, I'm gonna go find the Gnomes of Zurich." Said Sari as she walked away, unharmed by the armed dude.

However, the armed dude, and, lets just call him Moop shall we? Anyways, Moop suffered incredible emotional trauma for the rest of his life because of the glomp. He visited several psychologists. None of them helped. So he just commited suicide.

Meanwhile at Sari...

Sari hadn't found the Gnomes of Zurich yet. But that was okay. She had gotten better idea. A cooler idea that could--HEY! I can type without looking at the keyboard!! neat!!!

Anyways, Sari had gotten an easier idea. And all it involved was a cell phone, some sunglasses, and a muffin shop. Her original plan was to threaten the Gnomes of Zurich into confessing that Haven exsisted. Then, she would force them to take her there. But now she had an even more ingenious plan...

Sari walked into a muffin shop and whipped out her cell phone. She began to wonder who she should call.

"I know! I'll call Shari!!" exclaimed Sari and she dialed Sharis numbers.

_"Hello?"_ came a familiar voice. I am proud to say that I have never eaten a porcipine in my life.

"Hi Shari! Lets talk about ARTEMIS shall we? Specifically about GNOMES and FAERIES and HAVEN and FOALY and MAGIC and how great COMMANDER ROOT is!" said Sari. Shari squeed.

"FOALY IS BUFF!" she squeeled.

"YEAH! Hey, I have an idea, lets see who can use the most ARTEMIS FOWL related words in one sentance! And don't forget to say the words _nice and clear." _

_"_OKAY!!! Hmmmm...Yesterday i went to HAVEN to see FOALY the CENTAUR, whom was annoying the commander of the LEP also known as JULIUS ROOT whom happens to be an ELF!" shari said excitedly.

"Okay. My turn now. I like FAERIES, ELVES, PIXIES, SPRITES, CENTAURS, DWARVES and i must admit that i've never liked GOBLINS, they smell too much like TROLLS and look to much like OPAL KOBOI!"

"yup!"

"oh well, i gotta go now shari.Lets talk about HAVEN and ARTEMIS FOWL later. C'ya!" said Sari, and she hung up. It was only a matter of minutes now.

Meanwhile at Foaly da centaur...

Faoly was eating a goblin. Wait, no he wasn't.

Foaly was ACTUALLY um...oh yeah. Listening to a call that the had picked up from one of the mudmen cellphone thingies. He gapped at what his compy screen said.

Apparatnyl, two mud-girls had used the words artemis fowl, gnomes, faeries, haven, foaly, magic, commander root, centaur, LEP, julius root, elf, elves, pixies, sprites, dwarves, goblins, trolls, and opal koboi in their conversation. They CLEARLY knew something. Foaly grabbed his phone and called up Holly.

"Holly, We've got two mud-girls who know that we exsist. Go get em and give 'em a full mind wipe." he said.

"Yeah whatever." replied Holly.

And so she went up to above ground to investigate the strange phone conversation.

Foaly directed her to the spot where the call was traced to and she flew inside. Unfourtunetly, she didn't know that it was a mudman building.

"BARFSVILLE!" holly yelled and she became sick. she puked. Now, faeries can sheild themselves, but they cannot, however, sheild their barf. Sari saw hollys barf and realized that a faerie had arrived.

"oh yeah. you're allowed in. sorry about that. But while your in here, I can boss you around and you have to listen to me. My first command is that you take me to Haven now. And you are not permitted to trick me. Or mind wipe me. Or eat cheese ever again." Said Sari as she stared right into Hollys eyes so that the command would work. Holly swore.

"And so swearing unless you say the word toast right afterwards." said Sari.

'what do you want mudgirl?" holly spat. Sari grinned.

"Take me to haven."


	3. going to haven

**HOLY CRAP AN UPDATE! GET IN THE CAR!**

disclaimer: moooooo

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Holly grumbled angrily and began to take Sari to Haven. Y'see, she would've just killed her, but Sari offered her a melon and Holly was in love with melons so yeah. Sari smiled and poked her in the back of her head. 

"poke! Oh and can we stop by at my friends house to pick her up? She's going too." Sari said happily. Holly sighed and rubbed her chin in thought.

" Does...does your friend have...melons?" Holly asked, ashamed of her own addiction. Sari smirked and nodded. Holly jumped up in the air.

"HOORAY! I mean...uh lets go get her. What's her name anyways?" she questioned.

"Shari." answered Sari, the immortal god of all things what are pork. Holly nodded. She liked pork.

There was a long silence once they started going to Sharis house to pick her up. Sari broke this silence by poking Holly.

"You're in love with Commander Root." She stated proudly. Holly gagged on her monkey head.

"I AM NOT!" she yelled/coughed. Sari chuckled.

"Heh. SUUUUUUURE you aren't. And anyways, if you don't love root then you either Artemis, Briar, Turnball, Trouble, Grub, or um...i dunno...foaly..?" Sari pointed out. Holly rolled her eyes.

"I hope you know that the melon is the only thing keeping me from killing you right now."

" I know."

five minutes later...

"...you love root..."

"I DO NOT!!!!"

Meanwhile at Shari...

"OH JACK! I LURV CHOO!" she screamed at her Captain Jack Sparrow poster.Just then, her older sister Jen stuck her head in the door.

"SHARI!!! SHUT UP! "

"MAKE ME!"

"NO!"

"...YES!"

"NOOO!"

"..._**YEEEEEES!"**_

"...i said NO!"

"and **I** said YES!" shari screamed at the top of her lungs.

" I'M GONNA KILL YOU SOMETHING FIERCE!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Jen, and she launched herself at Shari. Shari squeaked but was then rescued by Holly Short and Her best friend Sari.

Jen frowned in confusion. But then she started to make out with Mickey Mouse.

Meanwhile at shari sar and Holly...

Shari had adjusted well to her new surronding and was now helping Sari poke Holly in the back of her head.

"Poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke!" They both chanted. Hollys eye twitched.

"hey shari, once we get to haven what are you gonna do first?" asked Sari, already knowing the answer.

"GLOMP FOALY! DUH!" she squeeled. And then Sari and Shari had a squeeling fit for a good twenty minutes until they both calmed down enough to talk.

" What are you gonna do?" Shari asked.

"Well, i would glomp Root, But first I have to punch Ark Sool in the face as hard as I possibly can. And then I'm gonna glomp Root, and then annoy him until his head explodes. Then I except to cry for a good half an hour until you walk over and tell me where Foaly is."

"That sounds fun!" said Shari just as her dog Corky flew though the sky and landed on her shoulder like some sorta flying dog thing.

"good corky." said sari, "now you can maul opal while I beat up Sool."

" And I can Glomp foaly!" Shari reminded them.

"Yeah shari, you can glomp foaly."

"Give me bacon." ordered Corky impateintly.

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**That was chapter three. **


	4. Welcome to Haven!

**blagablagablag! moop.**

**disclaimer: KIERA KNIGHTLY MIGHT BE PLAYING HOLLY SHORT?!? NOOOO!!  
**

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Yessire. Holly was taking Shari, sari, and now Sharis dog corky to Haven and she was right about to go insane. Corky had been singing the "bacon song" which consisted of ten million verses that all went like this: 

"Gimme bacon! woof!"

Shari pated Corky on the head and pulled some bacon out of her pocket. It was quickly devoured.

"HAVEN!!!!!!" screamed sari, pointing at one of those Chute thingys. Shari squeed with delight.

"FOALY!"

"...yeah shari...foaly...hey! I have an idea! Lets bring the foaly and root notebook!" sari suggested. Shari grinned.

"Yeaaaaah!" she agreed pulling out a notorious notebook. They both laughed evilly for no apparant reason. The foaly and root notebook consited of a whole bunch of random crappy drawing made by Sari when shari wasn't looking. It also consisted of comics involving foaly and root, courtesy of shari. And, although these comics were definetly not made by picasso, they sure were cool.

Um...blah blah blah they're in the chutes. yatta yatta now their at the LEP.

"FOALY!" screamed shari in a fangirly manner. Sari rolled her eyes.

"PUNCHING ARK SOOL IN THE FACE!"

"AND CHIX VERBIL!"

"AND YEAH!"

"AND FOALY!"

"yeah shari...and foaly." sighed sari.

"Well, anyways, i'm gonna go find Foaly. " shari said.

Sari nodded, "And I'll find Ark Sool and Opal koboi."

So they both walked away and yeah.

Meanwhile at Shari...

"lets see now...Trouble...meh...Vinyaya...eh...FOALY!" she screiked.

Shari ran into a room labeled "Ops booth", but that was crossed out and written at the bottom in crayon it said:

"Where the amazing FOALY resides."

Not a very clever thing to do. Moop.

Currently, foaly was eating some carrots and playng solitare on da compy. WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE WAS GLOMPED BY A CRAZY FANGIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"_**FOALY!"**_

Meanwhile at sari...

Sari was wlaking around looking for Ark Sool. It wasn't going so well. And then she saw one person whom she needed to do something to.

It was Grub Kelp.

Sari ran over to him and spazzed. Grub whined pathetically.

"YOU IS SO PATHETIC!" she screamed at him, and then kicked him in the shin and left.

Back at Shari...

"Hi foaly." she said gladly. Foaly winced.

"Um...who are you?" he asked. Shari smiled. Corky took out an accordian.

Suddenly, a whole crapload of musicians jumped through the window. They began playing.

"I am shari!" she sang.

And then all the musicians left. And corky ate her accrodian.

"Oh. Hi shari. You're a human." he pointed out.

"Yep! but i'm a human...WITH CARROTS" said shari, and she took out a bag of carrots. Foalys eyes widened and he grabbed the bag.

"I like you already!" he said. Shari grinned widely and they both began to eat carrots.

Back at Sari...

"HOLY MOOP POOP!!!" she screamed. Vinyaya lifted an eyebrow.

"YOU! YOU'RE VINYAYA!!! GAAAAAH! I like corn" sari informed Vinyaya.

"Who...are you...?" she asked.

**_"I AM SARI, IMMORTAL GOD OF ALL THINGS PORK! AND I AM HUNGERIN' TO KNOW WHERE ARK SOOL IS!!!_**" she whispered quietly.

"oh. ummmm...oookayy..."

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Meanwhile at Ark Sool... 

"I AM SO STUPID AND I THINK I'M ALL THAT. BUT I'M NOT! I'M JUST NOT!" screamed his inner conscience.

Sool usually ignored his inner conscience.

"sneer" he snarled.

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, SARI JUMPED IN AND PUCHED HIM AS HARD AS SHE POSSIBLY COULD **RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!!** AND THEN KICKED HIM AS HARD AS SHE POSSIBLY RIGHT WHERE IT WOULD HURT THE **MOST!**

Sool dropped dead. Later, a celebration would be held and everyone would get free pandas in bikinis. But that is another story.

After Sari had wallowed in his gore for a bit, she noticed that something was missing.

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Meanwhile at Julius Root... 

Root picked up a notebook. It looked pretty beat up.

He opened it to a random page and...

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_**CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!**_

review.


	5. uh moop

**I am going to finish thi story!!!! BWHAHAAHAH!**

**disclaimer: moop.**

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Julius Root opened up the notebook to a random page. It was a three panel comic. The first panel was just a picture of him standing there with foaly. And then...foaly creeped up to him in the second panel, and in the thrid panel he shouted "BOTHER!" while poking root. Root got mad. :) 

"What the hell is...?" he mumbled to himself, and he turned the page.

The next comic was about Foaly converting the entire LEP building into a hotel. It was strange.

Root lifted an eyebrow. WTF?!

"who?! wha?!"

He turned the page again to find even more comics. This one was about Haven Idol. The judges were a flame thingy named Calcifer and A giant plant and her pet...seymour.

Root read it.

"WHO THE HELL WROTE THESE?!" he screamed.

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Meanwhile at sari... 

"wallow wallow in his gore! wallow wallow in his gore!" she sang, as she wallowed in Ark Sools gore. But then she decided to find Shari and tell her that the Faoly and Root notebook went missing.

"as much as I would like to stay here and wallow in your gore, Mr. stupid-head, i have to find my associate, Shari." sari told the dead body.

So she left and began to look for Foaly. Cuz where Foaly was...Shari was.

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MEANWHILE AT SHARIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!! 

"much munch munch" shari said, as she ate a carrot.

"Yum" said foaly.

Shari was right about to GLOMP him again, when someone walked in through the door.

"HI THERE!" said Chix Verbil. Shari dropped her carrot. Her eyes widened. It was chix verbil...

"GAH! Chix verbil! You're so annoying!!!!" Shari pointed out. Chix smirked.

"Annoyingly SEXY!!!" he said. Shari howled! Yes, Shari. you howled.

Chix's smirked kind of faded.

"um...oookay..." he said. And then, Shari punched him in the face as hard as humanly possible.

Chix was instantly knocked out.

"You is sooooooo annoying!" Shari accused the unconcious body of Chix.

"amen to that!" said Foaly with a mouthful of carrots.

* * *

Back at Julius root... 

Root was still reading the comics. The notebook was absoulutly full of them.

He frowned. This "comic" was only one panel.

It was a picture of foaly holding a string that was going out of the top of panel . Another rope was coming down from the top a little ways away from the first. At the end of this rope was a one ton thingy.

Root was standing directly under it, totally oblivious. And that's all it was.

Root scowled and he flipped to the front of the notebook to find a name.

The notebooks cover had been torn off.

He sighed, and he was just about to throw it in the garbage, when a crazy mud-girl ran over to him.

"GET THAT HOLY BIBLE OUT THERE!" she screamed, taking the notebook out of the garbage.

"holy bible?! That thing is a load of crap!" Root pointed out. The girl stuck her tongue out.

"It's not crap. It's Root abuse. Speaking of which, have you seen commander root around here anywhere? I am hungerin' to hug him" she asked.

Root frowned, wondering if he should tell her.

"Uh...Noooo.I haven't." he said. Just then, Holly Short walked by.

"Hi commander!" she said. The mud-girls eyes widened .

"OH HO HO! **YOU** ARE ROOT!" she screamed, and then...root was glomped. Alot.

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back at foaly... 

"So um...what exactly are you doing here Shari?" foaly asked. Shari smiled.

"I dunno." she answered.

"Ah." said foaly.

"yes." said shari.

And then SARI, IMMORTAL GOD OF THINGS PORK RAN IN THE ROOM!!!

"I FOUND ROOT!" she screamed, and she dragged him into the room.

"See, since he's only three feet tall, he's easy to pick up and hug. Like this!" sari pointed out, and she hugged him. Root was angry. No suprises there.

"Lol." said foaly.

"stfu!" said root.

"rofl" said shari

"ROOT! HEE HEE HEE HEE!" said sari.

"root!" confirmed shari. And then Sari let root go. He ran away, but sari grabbed him before he could.

"Oh no you don't you bad little elf!" sari said, "You're staying RIGHT HERE!!!!! Anyways, Shari, Root found the Foaly and Root comics"

"oh." said Shari.

"yeah" said sari

"D'ARVIT!!!" yelled root, turning red.

"wait...FOALY and root? Am I in those comics you're talking about?" he asked. Sari and Shari both nodded. 

"Yup!" they said in unison.

And then Slinko got bored of typing this chapter.

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**God i love those comics. XD**

**reveiw.**


	6. Harriet, magi, and Jay

**kankuro wants your liver  
**

**dislciamer: Gaara wants your spleen**

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Faoly took the notebook from Shari and opened it up to a random page. He read it for a while, and then had a quizzical expression on his face. 

"What...the...fuck...?" he said, while giggling, and he turned the page. This continued, as Sari poked Root in the face.

When suddenly, and without warning, there was an explosion on the other side of the earth! But who really cares.

Anyways, and then suddenly, and without warning, the window blasted open and three mud-people stepped inside.

"YO! " said one of the mudgirls, "Tobi is evil! And how DARE you make a real-life/Aretmis Fowl crossover without including me, harriet, and Jay!"

"Yeah!" said a mudboy, whom was slowly removing his shirt," HOW DARE YOU!"

"Jay is happy today!" exclaimed The other mud-girl and she forced Jay to put his shirt back on.

"aww...but harriet!"

"not now Jay." she responded.

Jay made a frowny face and pouted.

Sari jumped up on foalys computer.

"Julius, Foaly, these are my friends...Harriet, and Jay. And that's my sister, Magi." sari explained.

"And I'm Shari sparrow." Shari told them.

"Yeah, shari. Wahtever" said Magi.

"SPARRABETH!" screamed Harriet, and she was hit by shari. Very hard. After about 10 minutes of staright whining from harriet, everyone decided to acknowledge the fact that Jay was now shirtless.

"Jay!" yelled magi, sari, and shari at the same time. Just then, Chix Verbil woke up from being knocked out by Shari, the superpowered eskimo from Finland.

"whoa! I'm lying on the ground surronded by girls! NEAT!" he said to himself. Harriet immedietly ran over to him, and took out a sketchbook that smelled of toxic waste.

"wanna see some pictures, hot stuff?!?!" she asked excitedly. Sari laughed and stopped Root from escaping once again, but Magi and Shari both yelled at her. Jay giggled knowingly.

"Sure! Why not? I sure like pictures and--wait...Did you call me hot?" he asked, getting hopeful.

"Yup! You're SEXY!!!" she said, while bouncing up and down. Faoly laughed out loud. Jay stopped taking off his pants and looked at her with sad eyes.

"CHIX? SEXY?! HA!" he laughed.

"What about ME?" jay complained. Harriet pushed him away.

"Go away jay. I'm busy." she said. Jay ran away crying.

Chix smiled.

"Wow! My dreams have finally come true! Gimme that notebook! I'll look at it all DAY if you want!" he said happily, and he opened up to a random page.

His smiled quickly faded. It was repleaced by a disgusted look.

"oh...uh...that's...special..." he mumbled, slowly giving the notebook back. Harriet gigled insanely.

"that was fun!" jay said, and then he continued crying.

"LETS GO FIND TURNBALL!! I WANNA GLOMP HIM! Itachi." said Magi, and then they she ran out the door screaming this:

"Holy crap!!!!!!! turnball!!!!"

Root suddenly took notice of this. 

"Wait...She's looking for turnball?" he asked. Sari glared at him.

"Who said that you could talk?" she inquired angrily

"what..?...why does she want to know where turn--" began root, but then Sari slapped him in the face.

"HEY! I thought Sari told you to be quiet!" shari spat, and she slapped him too.

"OW! Why do you keep slapping me?!" he growled, and he prepared for a slap, but none came, it seemed as if Sari and Shari had gotten bored of slapping him. But Foaly haden't. So foaly slapped him.

"D'ARVIT DONKEY! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" he yelled. Foaly shrugged.

"I dunno, I guess I just kinda wanted to."

But then slinko, was, once again, bored of typing.

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	7. Briar!

**Hideki stole all my socks. :(**

**disclaimer: moo**

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After being slapped about eight more times, Root finally decided to stop trying to talk. And then Harriet got an idea. She started to flip through her sketchbook. And then she stopped, and just...smiled. Jay got a nosebleed. 

"Hey Julius, wanna see some pictures?" asked Harriet. Root scowled.

"Number one: Don't call me Julius and Number two: I definetly don't want to see any of your pictures." Root said. But Harriet didn't exactly seem to CARE what he said, because she shoved the notebook in his eyes.

Roots eyes widened. And he looked absoulutly disgusted, as if hrriet had just said "GUESS WHAT ME AND JAY DID LAST NIGHT!"

"GUESS WHAT ME AND JAY DID LAST NIGHT!" harriet exclaimed.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Mud-girl?!" he asked, pushing the notebook away from his face. Harriet giggled insanely.

"Corn!" she exclaimed, and she was right about to started rambling on about corn when Sari interrutped her.

"why haven't i had a line in so long?! It's obvious that I'm everyones favorite OC so WHY HAVEN'T I SPOKEN!?!?" She yelled. Shari rolled her eyes

"You have such a huge ego." Shari pointed out. Sari pouted.

"Nu-uh!" she protested.

"Yu-huh!" shari responded.

"SEX!" jay screamed. Chix Verbil giggled.

"WHERE?!" yelled Harriet.

"HERE!!" jay yelled, pointing at himself.

"YAY!!!" They both yelled happily.

"SHUT UP!" everyone else yelled. Jay frowned.

"meanies." he mumbled

* * *

Meanwhile at Magi... 

"Briar! Briar! Briar! Briar!" she sang, while dancing around Briar Cudgeon. Briars eye twitched.

"Please...Leave..me ...alone..." he growled. Magi smiled.

"Wus Wrong Bri-Bri?Did joo end up deformed and demote din one day? D'awwww. Poor Bri-Bri!!!!" she said, with a mock baby tone in her voice. Briar turned red.

"Go away!!!" he ordered.

"make-out with Opal!" Magi demanded.

"Go awa-...wait...WHAT?!" he asked, stunned. Magi walked away, leaving him perfectly confused.

* * *

**I have writers block, so todays chapter is gonna be cut short.**

**review.**

* * *


	8. we intterupt this fanfic to bring you

**Briar:stfu u  
**

**root: stfu u  
**

**birar: I iz gunna get choo now. **

**root: oh noes!**

**briar: LAWLZ. I's a vampy now! Ph33r meh.**

**root: no. (pushes off cliff)**

**briar: noooooooo.**

**root: dawww. u still meh's friend. (walsk away) **

**briar(at bottom of cliff): stfu n00b!**

**moral: artichokes are good when boiled.**

**other moral: Pushing your friend off of a cliff is NOT a sign of affection and should not be taken as one.**

**THE. END. **

* * *


	9. Chaos in the Ops booth

**disclaimer: last chapter was my absolute favorite. And Artemis fowl is owned by the giant Tiki head that is Eoin Colfer.**

**oh crap i have a headache...again... **

* * *

Magi continued running through the LEP until she found who she was looking for. But I'm not gonna tell you that is. Cuz I'm mean like dat. Ha ha. Loser. 

Meanwhile at SARI, shari, harriet, foaly and Root...oh and chix and jay.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??!?!" yelled Root, furious as usual. Sari giggled insanely.

"th'world!" said Sari, as she conintinued to try and draw naruto whiskers on foots face with a marker.

"FOALY! What are these mud-girls even--stop that!--doing here!?" Root asked, while trying to make Sari stop.

Foaly frowned. He then took a breath to say something that came very hard to him.

" i don't know." he admitted. SUDDENLY, THE WORLD STOPPED SPINNING! THE SUN STOPPED SHINING! THE WAVES STOPPED SPLASHING! THE TREES STOPPED PHOTOSYTHISIZING! SLINKO STOPPed typing in all caps! BUT THEN SHE STARTED AGAIN! HOW COULD FOALY NOT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?!!? OH MY GOD!!

anywho, everyone was all shocked n' stuff. But they got over it. Cuz i told them to. :)

uh...writers block...hmm...i'm gonna go write some really stupid really random crap that people will constantly flame.

okay i'm done. Who wants me to put up the random crap as a different fanfiction? hmmm. I feel dizzy. COOL.

uh...i still have writers block. daw shit. Lets see um...hmmm...okaaaay...uh...

hmm.

humm.

hmph.

grrr...i have such bad writers block. uh...

moo. HEE HEE!!! moo is funny. I like moo. do you? HOLY CRAP I JUST RYHMED!!! BWAHAHAHAH. D: TIME FOR TOAST!. but not really. I have an idea. Maybe if I complain to my reveiwers, my writers block will go away! okay lets see...where to being.

Normally, Yaoi scares the living crap outta me. But an artist on deviantart draws yaoi and they got me addicted to one certain pairing. I used to hate the pairing too.

I hate this artist. But i love them at the same time. Kinda like how i think of JK Rowling. But i'm getting off topic. Where was I?

Oh yes. So then This giant moose flew out of the pool and ate my grandmother. It was so shocking. so then I was all like

"That's not cool. She still owed me money"

and then the moose was all--

Meanwhile at Magi...

Magi began to ponder soemthing that had been bothering her for a while now.

"I wonder if i was just used as a remedy for writers block...? oh well. Back to finding the pwnsome one." she said, and she walked away.

meanwhile back at The gang...

"lets split up gang!"

The OTHER gang. The one in the ops booth...

Jay giggled. Harriet did as well. Harriet was hit by Shari.

"ow!!! mrffingerrferninkkffmmmfuck." she mumbled incoherantly under her breath, like she did eveytime she was hit. Cuz she's a whiner.

Root then got an idea and pulled a tranquilizer gun out of his MGICAL pocket that he stole from a wizard named Tom...or was his name Wesly... uh...i dunno. The point is that Root stole his pocket one Midsummer morning.

Root pointed his tranquilizer gun at the most annoying of the group. Sari.

He pulled the trigger and the dart hit Sari in the arm. She looked at it for a moment, and then she just SCREAMED.

Root covered his ear with his free hand and then shot Harriet, Shari, and Jay with some other darts. He put away his gun.

"You four mud-people will wake up in a few hours and you won't even remember any of this happening." Root explained. Sharis eyes filled with tears.

"You mean...I WON'T REMEMBER MEETING FOALY?!" she questiong, tears streaming down her face. oh how dramatic! bah.

Root smirked. But only a little.

"I am afraid that's true." he answered.

SUDDENLY, Jay and Harriet had a great idea.

"LETS FUCK WHILE WE'RE DIZZY WITH TRANQUILIZER STUFF!" he screamed at Harriet.

Harriet wooted and they did just that.

Right on the floor of the ops booth.

In plain veiw.

In broad daylight.

In a bowl of whipped cream.

I like whipped cream.

Root frowned. Something was wrong here (besides the obvious). Why weren't the mudpeople collasping yet? Did the tranquilizer stuff not work or something? Meta Knight is quizzical about how koalas play Shuffleboard. And quite frankly, so am I.

Foaly also seemed to have noticed the lack of collasping humans. He looked at his digital watch.( did you know that some people still think that digital watches are a pretty neat idea?)

Almost two minutes had passed since root tranquilized them. The darts were desinged to bring down anything within seconds. So then why weren't the mudpeople...well...going down?

"What in Fronds name is wrong with your stupid darts Foaly?" Root questioned, turning red.

"I'm not sure." foaly mooed.

Root lifted an eyebrow.

"That's the second time in one chapter that you haven't known something." he mooed. But then Lyemi jumped in and wacked root on the head with a lobster for breaking the fourth wall. Needless to say, Root immedielty learned his leason about brekaing the fourth wall. He did not like lobsters.

" Well i don't have ALL the answers you know!" foaly mooed at root. Shari pointed at foaly.

"That's incredibly out of character for you to admit that you know?" She mooed, ducking just in time to avoid getting hit with Lyemis lobster.

"Yes i know." mooed foaly, also avoiding said lobster.

Root turned a darker shade of red.

"D'arvit pony! Something MUST be wrong with these darts! Fix them!" he mooed in a demanding fashion.

"But if you fix them then they can't have sex" Jay mooed, sitting up from the floor.

Shari hit Jay on the head.

"SHUT UP! AND BOTH OF YOU STOP DOING THAT!" she mooed loudly.

"doing what?" harriet mooed sarcastically.

Shari hit her on the head.

"Ow!!! Mrrffingermmmmiffrmminfuck" she mooed under her breath.

Shari hit her again.

"fine! I'll stop!" harriet mooed angrily. Harriet and Jay both put on their clothes and stopped having sex on the floor.

And then suddenly, one of the mudpeople realized something. They realized something so utterly important to the plot that it could not be ignored. So important that bill clinton stopped eating gravy becuase he was to shocked at the importance to eat. So INSANELY important that time practically stopped.

And then the human spoke, and voiced what was so amazingly important and relevent to the plot, and to the world.

"_**WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I HAD A LINE IN SUCH A LONG TIME??!?!?!?!?!?!? I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER! I'M EVERYONES FAVORITE CHARACTER!!! I'M THE BEST CHARACTER!!! I'M...ME FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!!!! **_ " Sari screamed (not mooed) as loud as she posibly could.

And then what is known as "_lack of paying attention to Sari syndrome"_ took hold of her. Whenever this happened, people got hurt. Unless they were Jhonen. :)

Sari screamed and began running around the room doing random things. Like eating corn, talking to styrofoam, slapping Root with a fish, meeting Bill clinton, abusing gravy, worshipping Jhonen, Neglecting to update fanfics, screaming, ranting, pulling out machine guns, and eating beavers.

Harriet quickly stopped her by saying three simple words.

"Look it's Jhonen!" she said, pointing out the window.

Sari was out the window in a second.

Foaly sighed with relief.

"At least THAT'S taken care off...Now to figure out why they aren't collasping..." he muttered to himself.

Meanwhile at Sari...

"JHONEEEEEEEEN!!!" she screamed, falling from the window. She hit the ground with a thud.

"poo. Jhonen wasn't here after all" She confirmed after looking around for a while.

"woof." barked Corky whom had been having a tea party with Trouble Kelp for the last few chapters.

"Corky!" sari squeeled, and she shnuggled her.

"I demand a lawyer!" barked corky.

Back at the gang in the ops booth...

"hey guys i haven't had a line all chapter." pointed out Chix.

"oh yeah" said Shari.

"well, you can have a line now if you want to." harriet said.

"Okay guys thanks for giving me this oppurtun-

* * *

**wow that was a long chapter. And it was really random. I like random. **

**Poor chix Though. He didn't even get to finish his line. **

**:P**

**Go reveiw or else you will not recive this fine example of a headless goose.**

**holds up goose**

**goose: QUACK!**

**slinko: QUACK!**

**artemis: QUACK!  
**

****

  


* * *


	10. Turnball and slinkos laziness

**disclaimer: TRAPPED FOREVER HERE IN BECKETT HELL!!**

**aw shit. I really don't feel like typing right now...mmmm popcorn. it's good. : P nice and buttery. and goooood. koga wears a man skirt...mmm...popcorn... :P I guess i should get to writing the chapter soon...mmmmm...yummy...popcorn...sigh...**

* * *

After searching for Turnball for about ten billion chapters, Magi finally found him. 

He was in jail, grumbling to himself about something. Magi frowned. If Turnball was behind bars, how would she be able to glomp him?

Turnball noticed that she was standing there pondering about something and he glared at her.

"What do YOU want?" he spat. Magi giggled for about ten minutes. Partically because he actually LOOKED at her, and partically because he actually SPOKE to her.

"I want to let you out!" she exclaimed, and then mumbled under her breath "and then GLOMP you."

Turnball suddenly perked up.

"You...you do?" he asked, but then he realized that she was a human.

"I don't need help from a MUDGIRL!" he spat. Magi wagged a finger at him.

"Naughty Turnball! You'll never escape with that attitude!"

"Oh piss off!"

"Make me! Oh wait you CAN'T 'cuz you're in jail!"

Turnballs eye twitched invoulentarily.

Magi wondered if it would be in bad taste to mock him. Then she decided that she didn't give a damn-o.

"It sure is NICE to be able to go WHEREVER I want. WHENEVER I want! I'm so GLAD that I'm not IN JAIL!!!" she ranted. Turnball turned red with anger.

"Ooh! you look just like you're brother when you're that colour!" Magi commented. Turnball growled something incoherant.

Magi smirked and decided to deliver the finishing blow.

"Y'know, you Brother can do ANYTHING he wants. Wannna know why? Cuz he wasn't STUPID and he didn't get himself thrown in _**JAIL!"**_

Turnball walked over and put his hands on his hips. He pointed a finger at Magi.

"There will always be woman in rubber flirting with me!" he said in mareens voice. Magi paused.

"...What? are you REALLY that inasne?"

Meanwhile at the gang in the Ops Booth...

Foaly looked out his window.

"Did sari just wow slinko is so lazy that shes not even going to finish this sentance and is just going to end the chapter here.

* * *

**damn straight i'm lazy.**

**As for turnballs line...um...i was listening to RENT. **

**He's going to have a musical number later in the fanfic.**

_**  
**_


	11. a chapter with pretty much no purpose!

**i'm listening to the Black Parade:D It's educational!!**

**SHUT UP! IT'S EDUCATIONAL!!!!**

* * *

Foaly examined the darts, and then the gun for a while. He looks so...QUIZZICAL!!! ZOMG! QUIZZICAL! I FREAKING LOVE THAT WORD SO FREAKING MUCH! 

anywho, foaly frowned.

"I can't find anything wrong with it. They should be knocked out." he said. Root turned a darked shade of red.

"Well, they CLEARLY aren't knocked out ponyboy! And I want you to figure out why!" he demanded. Foaly stuck his tongue out. Root glared.

SUDDENLY, sari flew in through the window along with Corky. Harriet looked at her watch.

"Well it's about time you showed up corky! You've been gone for a billion chapters!" she complained. Lyemi attacked her with the lobster.

Corky stuck out her lil doggy tongue at harriet.

"woof" she protested. Harriet realized that she had just been owned by a dog. BEEEEEN!!! WHY DID BEN HAVE TO DIE??!? WAAAAAAAHHHH!

Sari jumped over to Root and poked him in the forehead.

" You can't tranquilize us because we are protected by the magic of the rubber chicken blade thingy!" sari cawed.

"Hey! The rubber chicken blade was MY idea in the first place!" harriet complained. Shari hit her. Harriet whined. Poor harriet.

Root sighed. He hated mudpeople.

"Okay...what in fronds name is...is a rubber CHICKEN blade?" he sighed. Sari grinned and pulled out a rubber chicken blade. She smacked him in the face with it.

"THIS IS!!!" she pointed out.

"D'ARVIT!" swore root.

"SEX!" exclaimed jay.

Meanwhile at Magi...

After arguing for about 15 minutes, Magi and Turnball had both run out of insults and "your mom" jokes to say to eachother.

"I'm going to let you out." said Magi. Turnball was still confused.

"Why would you let me out?" he asked. Magi giggled insanely.

"cuz you're COOL!" she laughed. Turnball backed away from her a little, clearly frightened. Magi ran over to a guard whom she had knocked out when the reviewers weren't looking. She took his ID card, Security card, Jail Keys (cuz now the fairies use keys instead of complex DNA stuff. SHUT UP.), cabbage, and wallet. Then she ran over to Turnball cell and put the key in the lock.

She paused.

"If I let you out, do you PROMISE not to kill me or my friends?" she asked. Turnball rolled his eyes.

"I could care less about killing them." he said. Magi grinned insanely.

"okay!" she said, and she turned the key, and opened the door.

At once, turnball left out of the cell and ran down the hallway yelling something about giant corn-pixies. Magi giggled insanely and ran after him.

Turnball was fast. Very fast. But Magi, being an obsessive fan, could run even faster. In no time flat, she had glomped the hell outta turnball.

"GLOMP!" she squeeled.

Back at the Ops Booth...

Shari was right about to explain the whole "rubber chicken" thing, but then Magi walked in.

"Hi guys! Turnball is cool" she informed them. Sari rolled her eyes.

"Magi, Turnball being cool is as obvious as Nny being hot" she said. Magi felt stupid. That's cuz she IS stupid. She really IS.

Suddenly, root had a realization.

"DID YOU LET HIM OUT OF JAIL?!" Root bellowed at Magi furious. Magi laughed.

"You're all red!" she giggled. INSTANTLY, AS IF THIS WERE THE **FUNNIEST** THING IN THE WORLD, HARRIET BURST OUT LAUGHING.

"hahahahahahah!!!!Red!hahahahahha!!! moop." she laughed triumphantly. Roots eye twitched.

"Did you let him out or not?!?" he demanded. Corky would've advised Root to take a chill pill, but she was busy eating pie.

Shari rolled her eyes.

"Of COURSE she let him out! He's almost her favortie character!" she explained. Magi nodded.

"yes. Except for Root and Holly...whom, by the way, should totally make out. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find some machine guns." she said. Jay lifted an eyebrow.

"Why do you need machine guns?" he pondered. JAY PONDERED SOMETHING. HOW FUCKIN' AMAZING.

anywho, Magi galnced around nervously.

"...umm...cuz..." she mumbled, looking down. Sari Jumped on Jays head.

"SHE'S GONNA GIVE THEM TO TURNBALL!!! DUH!!" sari screamed. Jay's head exploded from the noise. But then he was okay.

anyways, sari jumped over to Magi and pulled two large machine guns out of her trenchcoat.

"Will these work?" she asked. Magi nodded.

"Yeah probably." she said. And then she took the machine guns and left.

"Please don't tell me that she's ACTUALLY going to give Turnball machine guns." root said, calm for once. (shocking, no?)

Corky woofed.

"what else would she need them for?" she barked. Root sighed. Toady was not one of his better days. The same would probably go for the next few weeks actually.

"I suppose that I'll have to go get him" he mumbled, and then he walked away. But not before sari placed a trakcing device on the back on his head. I like my head...

pepperonis.

e-hem. Where was i? ah. yes.

Now only Foaly, Harriet, Jay, Sari, Shari and Corky were in the ops booth. They all looked around akwardly.

"I'm gonna go show random hobos some pretty pictures" said harriet, hugging her sketchbook. Harriet ran away down the hallway followed by Jay.

"...well I'm NOT going to go kill Caballine." shari said, picking up two swords and walking away. Foaly frowned and looked at Sari.

"and what about you?" he asked.

Sari slowly smiled evilly. Revenge was in her eyes.

"I'm going to go stop by at a friends house." she said in a nny-ish voice. Then she looked at corky.

"Will you be joining me?" she asked.

"oh but of course" replied corky.

And then, Sari simply walked away being followed by corky.

Foaly looked at Chix.

"are you dead or something?" he asked. There was no reply. Okay, so he was dead. That was good to know.

Foaly looked left.

Then he looked right.

Then he smiled and slowly put a toaster on his head.

* * *

**BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! The next few chapters are going to be so freaking chaotic. :) ah chaos...so wonderful.**

**I have nothing to type in this author note. Damnit.**

**Just go reveiw. **


	12. To kill a Jaybird

**Disclaimer: Edgar Vargas for President!**

**I will be explaining why turnball is acting so OOC later. okay? so don't review and say**

**"uh trnball wodn;t act lik that. duuurr..im an idiot who NO BRAIN"**

**because, as much as i would laugh at your idiocy, it would get annoying.**

**Lemme guess, all of you are going to say that EXACT thing word for word in your reveiw right? **

* * *

Turnball grinned insanely while polishing the mahchine guns that Magi had supplying him. He began humming to a familiar tune. It was one of his favorite tunes. 

Turnball pulled on a long black trenchcoat. He picked up the two machine guns, and happily stepped out of ...wherever...he was...

He smiled and looked around at the happiness of the area. Birds were singing without a care! Flowers were blooming! Clouds were rolling by. Oldpeople were oldpeoplizing. Reviwers were shutting up about how clouds couldn't exisist underground.

A wind belw turnballs silvery hair dramatically. The sun shined brighter than ever (shut up, it's an artifical sun).

"And now it's springtime for hitler!" Turnball mumbled insanely (i'll explain all this later. trust me) Turnball began to run around Haven murdering random faries and spouting song lyrics at them.

He shot a sprite hundreds of times in the head.

"That's your horoscope for today bitch!!!" he sang. Slinko had a laughing attack.

Meanwhile at Julius root...

Root was running through the streets of haven looking for his lunatic brother. Magi had refused to tell him where he was, but root had a hunch that turnball was where all these murders were.

Root stepped in something squishy. He looked down and nearly got sick.

He had stepped in the bloody remains of a gnome.

"LYKE OMG! THESE R MAH GEWD SHOES!" he complained. But then he got over it and saw turnball wallowing in an elfs gore.

" Take me or leave me!!" he screamed at the dead corpse. Julius put his head in his hands.

"TURNBALL!" he yelled. Turnball turned his insne ol' head.

"Wha?" He asked intelligently.

"Look at what you're doing to these innocent faries!! Have you no guilt?! I must now arrest you and--" began root, but turnball cut him off.

"NOO! I WON'T SAY I'M IN LOVE!!!" he protested, running in the opposite direction. Root sighed, and chased after him.

Meanwhile at harriet and Jay...

Jay pointed out a filthy hobo.

"Look harriet. That hobos filthy." he said. Harriet was repulsed. moop poop is good for a healthy colon!

"Ew. Lets go show him the notebook." she said. Jay smiled and they walked over to him. But just as they were about to open the notebook, The hobo was killed.

Harriet and jay screamed and ran away. Turnball smiled and began to sing again while chasing Harriet an Jay around.

" _I am really special cuz there's only one of me!!  
Look at my smile i'm so damn happy that people are jelous of me!  
When i'm sad and lonely, i like to sing this song!  
It cheers me up and lets me know I won't be sad for long! oh oh oh!  
I'm so haaappy I can barely breath!  
Puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth!  
Watch out all your mothers! I'm happy as hardcore!  
Happy as a coupon for a 20 dollar whore!"_

Turnball shot at Harriet and Jay, almost shooting them. Jay screamed. Harriet screamed. Random hobos screamed. Random non-hobos screamed. Slinko typed in fragment sentances. But then slinko decied to stop typing like that cuz it was annoying her and she then decided to start typing the rest of the chapter completly in run-on sentances hoping that the reveiwers would so annoyed that they would commit suicide because then slinko would be free of revwiers. But then slinko decided to type normally.

where was i?

hmmmm. oh man i'm hungry. I wish we still have some pudding left. I'm gonna go look and see if we have any snacks.

Story: noooo! you have to write meeee!

author: didn't this happen back in chapter one?

story: write meeeee!

author: no. (goes to get snack)

story: sniff

( several minutes later, the author sits back down)

story: why do you always abandon me?

author: shut up. mmmm...soda...

anywho, Turnball cornered Harriet and Jay. Tears streamed down their faces.

(okay. Now go to youtube and search "defying gravity". Listen to the song while reading to the rest of this chapter. **I **think it fits the mood)

"Harriet! I've always loved you!" jay cried.

"I know! I've always loved you too!" she sobbed. Turnball grinned and lifted a machine gun into the air, aiming it straight at harriet and Jay.

Harriet and Jay pulled into what would most definetly be their final kiss.

Turnball stepped forward and began to pull the trigger for the gun. Time seemed to slow down. Harriet and Jay gave eachother one last loving look, and then prepared for their death. The bullets whizzed through the air dangerously. They were death. Immediate death.

Harriet whispered a quiet goodbye to the world. She would not wake up the next day. She would not be feeding her fish, or teasing her brother, or drawing in her sketchbook. She would be dead.

Jay cursed death. How could he die so early on in life? And Harriet too. There was to much in the world to die so young.

But even as the hideous bullets made their impact, the couple was happy.

Happy to have known eachother.

Happy to have loved eachother.

Happy to have supported eachother.

Happy to have helped eachother.

And now...

They were happy to have died in eachothers arms.

* * *

**OMG!!! EMONESS!!!! That was my first attempt at emoness. How did i do? **

**On another note, IS THIS THE END OF OUR HEROES?! WILL HARRIET AND JAY SURVIVE THE ATTACK?!? WILL SLINKO EVER IMPROVE AT WRITING SERIOUS EMO ANGST?!? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF **

**_"CHAOS IN HAVEN!!!!"_**

**Okay guys, but in all seriousness, how did I do at the emoness? **

**Go review you filthy snarf toads.**

* * *


	13. that's it

**The end. Go home. The fanfics over now. I was getting sick of it anyways.  
**


	14. no it's not actually over yet

**I Just scared the living shit outta you guys didn't I? I know I did. I just know it. And if i didn't, then i can still pretend. **

**Hee hee. I'm an evil bastard. **

**No the fanfic isn't over yet. I just wanted to be eeeeevilllllll...**

**moop HAHAHAHHAHAHA! time for the chapter.**

* * *

After Sari stopped rolling on the ground laughing at her reviewers cries of protest at that last chapter, she felt a pain in her heart. 

An EMOTIONAL pain. A HORRIBLE pain. This pain could only be described as the pain that one feels when somebody totally effing pwnsome was just killed.

Sari gasped.

"NOT JHONEN!!!! oh wait, he's immortal. It must've been someone from Haven then..." sari said to herself. Corky dug a small hole in the ground and put a human skull in it. But that's beside the point.

Sari turned to Corky.

"Who do we know in Haven that pwns?" she asked. Corky thought for a minute. So did Sari. But slinko was to lazy to combine those 2 fragment sentances into a compound sentance so yeah.

Silence...

And then...

Saris eyes bulged out and she gasped.

"ROOT!" she exclaimed, horrified. Corky gasped as well and buried the human skull.

"but that can't be possible sari, because root is already--" began Corky, but sari cut her off.

"HE'S NOT DEAD DAMNIT!!! HE NEVER WAS!!!! PAGES 84 TO 88 **DO NOT EXSIST!!!!" **screamed Sari furiosly. Corky covered her lil doggy ears.

"Ok fine. geez...woof" she woofed.

"well I'm going to get over this feeling of "Pain that one feels when somebody totally effing pwnsome was just killed" and go get revenge." she said. Corky barked.

"Woof!" she agreed, and sari ran away, riding corky whom was now the size of time-skip akamaru for no apparent reason.

Meanwhile at Turnball...

Turnball smiled at Harriet and Jays dead, bleeding, lifless (lol redundant) bodies. He cackled evilly.

"Bwahahah! I'm gonna go kill somemore people and then seize the day!" he proclaimed, and he turned around to see Harriet and Jay slurping cheery brainfreezies a couple yards away.

"waitaminute...I thought" turnball muttered to himself, looking from the dead bodies, to harriet and jay, and back again.

"I ALREADY KILLED YOU GUYS!!" he yelled, pointing at them. Jay turned his head, slurpee still in his mouth.

"say wha?" he asked intelligently. Harriet mimiced his actions.

suddenly slinkos mom sneezed and scared the living crap out of slinko. But that's beside the point. Pork.

Turnball ran over to the couple.

"I killed you two! Look! The bodies are right over there!!" he said, feeling ripped off at his lack of killing everyones favorite perverts.

Harriet looked at the bodies.

"Oh that wasn't us." she clarified. Jay nodded.

"WELL THEN WHO WERE THEY?!?!" yelled turnball.

"Well the boys name was 'John the stupid asshole'. But don't worry, no one will miss him. " Jay said, pointing to the boy.

"Yeah. And the girl was just some random annoying Artemis mary-sue" Harriet explained, finishing Jays sentance.

Turnball understood perfectly. I mean, it makes sense. Doesn't it? What? You don't think it makes sense? OH LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!

IT'S A HIDEOUS MONSTER ABOUT TO DEVOUR YOUR HEAD! FOR CHRISTS SAKE TURN AROUND!!!

Made ya look!

where was I? Oh yes. The turnball what pwned.

Turnball sratched his head.

"But then why were they in disguise?" he asked. Jay laughed.

"well if they weren't in disguise then they would've been brutally murdured! But it looked like their plan backfired" Jay said as he gestured to the gored up bodies.

Tunrball nodded.

"I see. Well, they're presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone. So i'm gonna go kill root now." he said.

And then he just walked away to go find Rooooooot.

Harriet and Jay sat down at a pinic table that matirialized there suddenly.

They continued to slurp their cheery brainfreezies as if they were never killed. (which, of course, they weren't)

Meanwhile at Shari...

Shari walked over to cabalinne (or however her name is spelled) with a gun. She pointed at her.

"I'm going to kill you and then catch foaly off the rebound." she said.

"oh" said cabbaline who suddenly was renamed cabbage.

"I hope you don't mind" shari said. Cabbage frowned.

"Well, actually, I've grown rather fond of living"

"ah."

"yes."

Shari killed her anyways. And then Kiera Knightly walked over.

"Did you hear? I might be playing Holly in the upcoming Artemis Fowl movie!" she exclaimed cheefully. Sharis eye twitched.

"YOU ARE NOT PLAYING HOLLY FRICKIN SHORT YOU STUPID JACK-STEALING KIND OF ACTOR PERSON!!!" shari yelled, and she killed her too.

And then Slinko recieved a cookie from Onesong05 because she let her kill kiera knightly.

Meanwhile at Sari...

Sari smiled evilly at a building labeled "Most certainly NOT koboi laboratories". She giggled silently. The giggling continued until it was a full scale evil laugh.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME TO KILL THE UGLY **BITCH** THAT IS OPAL KOBOI!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Corky woofed happily.

"Yay! Can i eat her liver when you're done?" asked corky woofishly. Sari shook her head.

"No. It would poisen you and turn you into a retarded, ugly, stupid, moronic, slutty, ditsy, loserific, dumb, beastly, savage, murderous, idiotic, big headed, little brained, piece of crap shaped like a little dog." Sari ranted. Corky frowned.

"woof" she complained. Sari ignored her complaints and turned back to Koboi Labs. Soon she would have her revenge. But it would only be for her. Oh no. It would be for every Opal Koboi hater out there. For everyone who has ever wanted to take a kinfe to her head. For everyone who cried when they read pages 84 to 88 of the Opal DEception. For everyone who knew that she deserved it.

Of course, mainly Sari was just doing for herself.

"Let's get this thing started..._Johnny-style"_ sari whispered to herself, pulling out two kives and walking into the building.

* * *

**Ho-boy. The next chapter that I'm going to write is going to be...violent. So violent, that I would have to chnge this stories rating to M. But I don't feel like doing that. So I'm going to post the next chapter as a seperate fic. If you don't like violence, gore, blood, or anything relating to that, then you should just skip that chapter. Because that's ALL it's going to be. :)  
**

**Magi: Why didn't I get a single line throughout the entire chapter?**

**Slinko: because Nny is hot.**

**Magi: I hate you.**

**Go reveiw you filthy snarf toads. **

**  
**


	15. TURNBALL STRIKES AGAIN!

**Did anybody actually READ chapter 14 and a half? No? I wouldn't either.**

**anyways, now it's time to start the fanfic again. And whoa. I just realized that I haven't had a disclaimer in forever.**

**So here I go:**

**Disclaimer: I'm out of pepsi! (cries) and i have a really yucky taste in my mouth and i don't like the song that i'm listenting to so i'm going to change it NOW.**

* * *

Sari stepped out of Opal Koboi laboratory with two long, slender, bloody knives in her hands. Her look of self-satisfaction was quickly replaced by a look of horror. 

"OMIGOSH! I just KILLED somebody." she gasped. Sari looked down at her bloodied-up hands. Normally, one would be feeling guilty. But this is Sari we're talking about.

Sari threw back her head, opened her mouth as wide as possible, and just LAUGHED.

Meanwhile at Root...

Root ran around the corner and spotted his older brother Turnball across the street. He smirked and ran across the street.

Turnball stepped in some gum that was stuck to the sidewalk. Strangely enough, this just so happened to be the exact wade of gum that he spat out when he was 15 years old. Sadly, Turnball did not recognize it.

"Oh D'arvit" he cursed under his breath. He scrapped the gum off of the bottom of his boot with a stick and then felt something cold press against the back of his head.

"Your under arrest Turnball" came the voice of his younger brother. Turnball turned around and noted that he seemed to be staring down the barrell of an LEP gun. This was generally not a good place to be.

"Hello Julius. Nice gun thingy" Complimented turnball. Root scowled.

" This is the end for you Turnball." Root spat. Turnball laughed.

"Oh yes. Very threatening. But I notice that you have not yet killed me. Is it possible that you still can't bring yourself to kill me after all these years? How pathetic." remarked turnball. Root growled like a taquito. Mmmm...taquitos...wait...taquitos growl? Well, you learn somthing new everyday!

Roots eye twitched.

"But you ARE the one with the gun and that would generally mean that you win. However, I have two larger, more powerful guns." continued Turnball, and he took the machine guns out of his magical pocket that can hold anything regardless of the size.

Root gasped and began to click his gun. But it was to late. Turnball had already fired both guns at him and the bullets had already made their impact.

Root fell to the ground. He was alive, but only for the time being. A pool of blood began to form under him.

Turnball weakly smiled.

"I guess this is goodbye to you then." Turnball said, and then he turned around and walked away from his dying brother.

"What a Mad World." He silently remarked to himself.

Meanwhile at Shari...

Shari rentered the Ops Booth and Glomped the hell out of Foaly.

"Hi Shari" Said foaly, whom was getting fairly used to the glomping. Shari stopped hugging Foaly and then she suddenly looked very serious.

"Foaly...Cabbaline...she's dead..." Shari whispered. Foaly immedietly broke into hystercial tears.

"OH GAWD!!!" he sobbed loudly.

"There there" said Shari, patting him on the back.

Meanwhile at Corky...

Corky strolled over to Harriet and Jay whom had just finished their cheery brainfreezies.

"BARK!" she barked. (notice how most of the time she woofs, but now she barks)

Harriet and Jay gasped.

"Turnball killed him?!" Harriet questioned, begining to get into a panic. Corky nodded her head viciosly.

"Where is he?" Jay demanded. Corky barked and ran off. Harriet and Jay followed close behind.

Meanwhile at Wally goofadoof

Wally goofadoof was a wheather man. His job was to dress up nicely, go on TV, and announced the wheather. In other words, he informed people about what they already knew for a living. Most of the time, Wally was able to get away with saying "It's Partly cloudy with a chance of rain" everyday.

Today, however, was different. Because today, his boss had ordered Wally to predict actual whether.

This was, of course, impossible.

The whether channel that Wally worked for happened to be in possesion of a state-of-the-art whether forecast machine. The machine was the reason that Wally had been fired today.

Let me explain:

Wallys boss had ordered him to predict the whether. This was impossible because the Forecast machine would always tell Wally what the whether was going to be.

To predict is to make a guess about what will happen in the future. However, Wally already KNEW what the future whether was going to be. Since Wally already was aware of the future whether, he could not make a prediction about it. Wally explained his dilemma to his boss.

His boss thought about it for a moment, accussed Wally of being a smartass, and then promptly fired him.

Get it?

Good. Now we can return to the actual story.

Wally grumbled several curse words under his breath as he walked down the street. He was, obviosuly, going home.

Wally walked past an elf whom was currently busy dying on the sidewalk.

Wally considered helping him, but then decided that it would be rather rude to interrupt his death.

So Wally continued on his way home.

* * *

**Wally is cool.**

**review.**


	16. A SECRET surprise!

**Hi.**

**Disclaimer: Life is like a Grapefruit.**

* * *

After Foaly had gotten over the fact that ol' whats-her-face was dead, he decided to acknowledge the fact that Magi had entered the Ops Booth. 

Shari turned to Magi

"Where have you been for the last three chapters?" she questioned.

"That's not important right now. Something else is" she said.

"Oh? And what would that be?" Foaly asked. Magi sighed.

"I can't remember" admitted Magi, hanging her head in shame.

Shari smacked herself in the face

"Oh my god" she muttered, annoyed.

SUDDENLY , Harriet burst into the Ops Booth looking incredibly out of breath.

"Guys! Turnball he, "Harriet paused, catching her breath, "He's killing everybody!"

Foaly gasped.

"Le gasp!"

And then...

"Wait a minute...Magi, didn't YOU let Turnball out of his cell?" Foaly questioned. Magi looked down at her feet.

"Maybe..." she mumbled.

"MAGI! HE'S A PSYCHOPATH! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!?" Foaly yelled, but before Magi could answer, Harriet interrupted them.

"He shot the commander" she blurted out. Magis gasped and her jaw dropped.

"HE WHAT?!" Magi cried.

"He shot the commander! Me and Jay saw him bleeding on the sidewalk and thought that you guys should know."

Foaly look from Harriet, to Magi, to Shari. He was slightly pale.

"Where is he? We should send medical warlock people to go help him!" Shari suggested. Harriet shook her head.

"Not necessary. Jay's is already taking him to a hospital"

Meanwhile at Jay and Root, whom was currently unconscience and totally unaware of the fact that he was bleeding all over Jays best shirt.

Jay looked around panic-stricken. Where the fuck did these people keep their hospitals? New Zeland?

Jay walked over to a random hobo-sprite.

"Excuse me, where's the hospital?" he asked. The hobo looked up at him.

"Why d'ya need ta know?" he grutned.

"What?"

"Why d'ya need ta know?" repeated the Hobo.

"Erm...well This guy is kinda bleeding to death here." Jay said. The hobo tilted his head to the left.

"What guy?" he asked. Jay was becoming very upset with this hobo.

"The one in my arms who is currently bleeding on my best shirt!!"

"Oh. What did you want?" asked the hobo. Jay turned red.

"WHERE'S THE HOSPITAL?!?!" he screamed. The hobo scowled at him.

"It ri' 'cross the street. Ya' don' need ta' yell" he muttered. Jay turned around and walked away in a huff. The nerve of some people. Why does he need to know? What guy? Jackass.

Meanwhile at Sari...

While the reader was reading about what happened to Jay, Sari and Corky had arrived at the Ops Booth. You didn't noticed this because you were reading about what happened to Jay. Didn't I just tell you that?

Anyways, Sari was not taking the news of Root getting shot very well.

Currently, she was rolling around on the ground crying and moaning in grief. She hadn't yet noticed that herself and Corky were the only two still remaining in the room.

Corky looked around, rather boredly.

"Woof." She woofed. This could be translated two different ways. The first way was ' I think I'll go see what everyone else is doing. Then I'm gonna eat some bacon.". The second way was ' Hello. I've just stumbled into this new town and I admit that I have not yet located the towns cheese factory.'

Sadly, the true meaning of what Cokry said will be lost forever.

Meanwhile at Wally GoofaDoof...

Wally yawned.

Meanwhile back at Turnball...

Turnball smiled.

"I'm Getting Away with Murder!" he proclaimed to the western skies. He then proceeded in walking around the corner.

Unfortunetly for Turnball, he walked straight into a crowd of LEP officers with bug guns.

"Wow. God must hate me because I've run out of sweet escapes to make and now the bogeymen are coming. "he remarked.

Turnball opened his mouth to make another stupid song reference but an Lep officer had already knocked him out.

And then slinko said "I'm so azy that I'm gona end the chapter and piss off my reveiwers"

* * *

**HIPPOPATUMUSES. **

**E-hem...Um...wow. Another chapter with no purpose. Yep. No purpose. Moop.**

**I have a surprise for all you little snarf toads. Do you guys want to know what the surprise is? You do? **

**Too bad. **

**Maybe if I get alot of reviews for this chapter I'll tell you.  
**

* * *


	17. a chapter used for making a day pass by

**Okay guys...what the HELL? I wait almost an enitre week and guess how many reviews i get. **

**Go on. guess.**

** Give up?**

**I'll tell you shall I? **

**In the week that I waited, I got a total of...**

**TWO reviews.**

** I guess you guys just won't be hearing that surprise anytime soon. Too bad to. It's really cool. **

**Such a shame. oh well. I guess I shoudl be starting the chapter.**

* * *

Currently, The entire LEP was running arounf Haven and healing everyone that Turnball had shot. But that's unimportant. In fact, I only put that there so that I could have an easy way to start off the chapter. I know, i know. I'm lazy. But so's your face. Jerk. **  
**

erm...so anyways...um...wow. It really sucks to have writers block before you even start the freaking chapter.

And the tragic thing is that I have no puddding to eat this time.

(scary music plays)

DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!

oh gods I need a life. I also need to start the chapter. Well, techincally I already started it.

Welll...um...

you know what I mean.

Um...yeeaaaahhh...weeeeellll...HERE I GO!

Magi, Shari, and Harriet were currently searching Haven to see if anyone else that they gave a shit about was dead.

Thankfully, Turnball had only killed random fairies that didn't even have names because they were just background characters.

Just then, Jay walked over. He had a bloody shirt and Corky was sitting on his head. He was also dragging a sobbing Sari along behind him.

"Hi guys. I brought whatshisface to the hospital" Jay said. Sari screamed.

"HE HAS A NAME I HOPE YOU KNOW!!!!!"

Jay rolled his eyes and tried to continue his talking. Sadly, he could not. Because at that exact moment, Corky woofed.

"Where did foaly dissapear off to? Woof?" she woofed. Everyone took notice of the missing Foaly. But then They all forgot about it.

"Can i talk now?" Jay asked. Everyone nodded. Jay sighed with relief.

"Okay good. Now anyways, About Chix, He--" began Jay, but he was once again interrupted. This time by all the lights in the city going out all at once.

"Must be a power outage" said Magi. Harriet nodded. Sari cried. Shari shook her head.

"It's night. Since they live underground, they don't have a sun. So when it's night time, the artifical sun turns off." Shari explained.

"ooooh!" said the group, and they ignored the fact that Slinko totally made that up as an excuse for it to suddenly be nightime.

" Well, it's getting really late, so we should go back to the surface" harriet said. She was instanly slapped by Shari.

"DON'T EVEN SUGGEST THAT!" she yelled, and then added in a rather calm voice, "We can stay at someones house for the night."

Harriet whined something about other peoples houses smelling funny and began to mumble curse words under her breath.

Voldemort likes yaoi.

"But who's house can we stay at?" Jay asked.

"FOALYS!!!!" sharis screamed.

For lack of a better idea, they all agreed with this. Except for Sari, whom was still crying about Root.

"HOW CAN YOU GUYS JUST FORGET ABOUT THE GREATEST PERSON ALIVE (besides Jhonen) GETTING SHOT HUNDREDS OF TIMES?!?!?!" she screamed/ cried.

"Like this." Harriet said, and they all walked away to go find Foaly. Sari crossed her arms angrily.

"Poopy heads" she muttered, and she went off to the hospital to see if The commander was okay.

Meanwhile at Wally Goofadoof...

Wally scratched his head and ended the chapter by doing so.

* * *

**This chapter was mainly used to make a day pass. **

**I found it to be rather boring. What about you? Don't worry though. The next chapter will be better...MUCH better. X) X) X)**

**And if you guys wanna know what the surprise is, you have to review. **

**Got it? **

**good.**

**Now go review. **

* * *

**  
**


	18. ARE YOU ALIVE?

**Hey what's this? (picks up the Artemis Fowl graphic novel and opens it up)**

**OH MY GOD!!! BUTLERS HEAD IS PEA SIZED WHILE HIS BODY IS WATERMELON SIZED!!!! ARTEMIS'S HEAD IS A HEXAGON!!!!!**

**AND WHEN DID ROOTS HEAD BECOME SQUARE?!?!?  
**

* * *

Sari ran into the hospital and ran up to the front desk. 

"MY NAME IS SARI, IMMORTAL GOD OF ALL THINGS WHAT ARE PORK, AND I AM HUNGERIN' TO KNOW WHERE JULIUS ROOT IS!!!!" she yelled. The elf behind the desk sighed and put his head in his hands.

"What relation do you have to him?" he asked through his hands. Sari's eye twitched and she pulled out her rubber chicken blade.

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT BITCH!!!! I _NEED_ TO KNOW WHERE HE IS **NOW!!!**" Sari bellowed while jumping up on the desk thingy. The elf sighed.

"FINE. Just...FINE." he spat. Sari did the happy dance.

Meanwhile at the gang...

Currently, Magi, Harriet, Shari, Jay, and Corky were just walking around looking for Foaly.

"Y'know it'd be really rude to just ask if we could stay at someones house" said Harriet, sucking the fun out of everything.

"Shut up" ordered Shari. Harriet, not wanting to get hit, shut up.

Just then, Holly Short ran over to them.

"What's all this I hear about the Commander getting shot?!" she asked frantically. Magi giggled insanely for seemingly no reason. If Sari had been there, she would have giggled too. But we'll get to that later.

OR WILL WE?!

yes. we will.

"Turnball shot Root, but I think he's okay now." Jay explained.

"Where is he?" she asked. Magi's giggle grew louder.

"He's at the Hospital" said Shari.

Holly ran off in the direction of the hospital.

Magi did a little happy dance. Shari rolled her eyes. The reviewers looked at Slinko, confused. Slinko pointed and laughed.

Meanwhile at Sari...

Sari burst into a hospital room and ran over to Julius Root.

"ARE YOU ALIVE?!?" she screamed. Root, whom was sleeping and having a rather pleasant dream about dancing salmons, woke up very suddenly.

"OH GOD I'M IN HELL!!!" root screamed, the second he spotted Sari. Sari squealed.

"YOU **ARE** ALIVE!!!! YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!" sari screeched, and she hugged Root tightly.

Have you ever been shot by a machine gun reader?

If you said no, then you cannot relate to what Root is feeling right now.

If you said yes, then IT WASN'T ME.

(shifty eyes)

Well anyways, I have never been shot by a machine gun hundreds of times. But I imagine that it would hurt.

alot.

And being hugged tightly by an insane fan who just distrupted your dancing salmon dream probably wouldn't help.

"GAH!" yelled Root, obviosly in pain. Sari stopped immedietly and jumped back.

"DID I HURT YOU?!?!??! OH MY GOD!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!" she shreiked, and to make him feel better, she hugged him again.

"I'M SORRY!" she cried.

"GAH!!! THAT HURTS D'ARVIT!!" he yelled, and he pushed Sari away.

wow. I'm having so much fun writing this. XD

Sari would've broken down into tears at that moment, but something caught her eye.

"HEY! Look! A kinfe!" she said, pointing to a knife that was jutting out of the wall.

Okay, even I don't get why I just did that. But who cares? That's right. Nobody. Except for your mom.

Burn.

Meanwhile at Wally Goofadoof...

Wally went to sleep.

Back at Root...

"Hey Root! Do you love Holly!?" Sari asked, getting over the fact that she had just caused the commander pain.

"WHAT?"

Sudddenly, Holly ran in the room screaming

"ARE YOU ALIVE?!" she screamed. Root put his head in his hands.

Sari smiled.

"Right on cue!" she exclaimed, and she left the room, giggling. Holly looked at the knife jutting out of the wall, but she soon forgot about it because I told her to.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Root sighed.

"I was just shot with a machine gun hundreds of times. What do you think?"

Holly felt rather stupid. But not as stupid as Minerva.

Suddenly a Doctor ran in with a paniced look on.

"ARE YOU ALIVE?!" he yelled, dropping a bloody knife that probably shoudln't have been bloody in the first place.

Root smacked himself in the face and then immedietly regretted it.

"D'arvit!" he swore, clutching his pained hand. The doctor walked over to him on the wall. Much like a lizard.

"Hello Julius Root. Your favorite color is dark green. Your mothers maiden name was Snow. Your first kiss was with Amber Redwood. You have never been able to finish a bowl of ramen in your life, because it always explodes in your face. Eight years, three months, 15 days, 13 hours, 8 minutes and 2 seconds ago you tripped over a rock. Watermelon disgusts you. When you were a child, your older brother told you that there were zombies under you bed. And you beilived him. You have a phobia of large snakes. Oh, and did I mention that you're secretly in love with--"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Root, getting annoyed with the doctor and turning red.

Meanwhile, in a small corner of a cave, the pairing squids giggled evilly.

Back at the Hospital...

"Who ARE you anyways?!" Julius demanded.

"My name is Doctor Yan-e-tor." said Dr. Yan-e-tor.

"o..kay...well...**How do you know all those things?!!?"**

Dr. Yan-e-tor grinned slowly.

"We know all about you Julius" he said.

Yan-e-tor slowly faded away where he stood.

"...that was...alarming..." remarked Holly.

"Creepy is more like it" said Root. Holly nodded.

"So I take it all of those things were true?" she asked.

"...That's not important Short." replied Julius.

"Well, Turnball was arrested." said Holly, reminded of the zombie thing that Yan-e-tor said.

"Is he getting death or Howlers peak?" questioned Root, secretly hoping for death.

"Howlers. But the concil is still debating on whether to give him death later."

"So in other words, nothing will ever happen to him."

"Exactly"

"Yay"

The next few minutes consisted of conversation similiar to what you just read.

OR DID IT.

That's right. I didn't use a question mark.

They're too emo.

Stupid emo question marks.

Meanwhile at Foaly...

Due to a strange turn of events involving a giant burrito, Nick the T-Rex, and a Giraffe, they all ended up staying at Foaly's house.

But we'll save that for next chapter.

* * *

**I just noticed that this chapter had no annoying song references. **

**cool.**

**Anyways, If anyone is even reading this authors note, I'd like to tell you all that I am not gonna tell you the surprise unless you all review. **

**so go. **

**review.**

**It is your destiny.**


	19. LETS ORDER PIZZA!

**The surprise will be reveiled to you soon my friends!!! (kukuku)**

**I'm listenting to Dr Cox's rant from Scrubs. YAY! **

* * *

Foaly led Harriet, Shari, Magi and Jay into his house. 

"I only have two guest rooms so...um...yeah" He said intelligently. Harriet and Jay grinned widely.

"We can share a room" said Jay.

Foaly grimiaced.

"er...yes...rather...well...The rooms are over there" foaly said, and he pointed somewhere.

"Wait a minute Foaly, if there are only two guest rooms, then where is Shari going to sleep?" asked Magi. Shari hit her.

"I'M going to be using the guest room!" he demanded. Magi, fearing Shari, allowed this.

"Well then...erm...where am I supposed to sleep?" she asked. Foaly smiled and clapped his hand together.

"I have a lovely dog house in the backyard!"

Everyone just stared at Foaly. He seemed completly serious.

Meanwhile at Ark Sool...

Ark Sool, whom had not had an appearacne since ten billion chapters ago, ran down the hallway of a hospital.

"Vampire runnin' through a hospital!" remarked a random guy doing commentary.Sool killed the guy. Cuz he's stupid like that.

Anyways, Sool burst into wherever the hell Root was.

" MY LOVE! WHEN I HEARD THAT YOU HAD BEEN INJURED, MY HEART STOPPED BEATING! OH! ARE YOU ALIVE MY SWEET LOVER!!!!" he yelled in Roots face.

Everyone was silent for a bit. Root looked terrified. Holly coughed.

"Er...what...?" Root asked Nervously.

Meanwhile back at Foaly...

"Then it's settled. That's where Magi will stay" foaly clarified. Everyone agreed. The reviewers scratched their heads and said "huh?"

Stupid reviewers. anyways...um...

Harriet opened her mouth wide and emitted a low gurgling sound.

"What is she doing...?" foaly asked.

"That means she's hungry" shari explained.

"ah"

"Yes"

"I HAVE AN IDEA!!! AND IT'S NOT PERVERTED!!" Jay screamed.

everyone gasped. Slinko decided that she would make a pointlessly long paragraph right in this very spot for the sole purpose of annoying whatever reader/reviewers happened to be reading this. Slinko is very mean, is she not? Do you not long for her to simply destopry herself and all of her fanfics as well? Does she not annoy every fiber of your being? Slinko /Starburst /Chizip/ S.T.Mustang/ I-Love-Lupin/ Sari/ Immortal god of all things what are pork, is listening to Mulan. But she stopped because the song ended before she was even able to finish that sentance that you either just skipped over, or just read. I'd say that you skipped over it. That's what I would do at any rate. But for some reason, some people enjoy reading pointlessly long paragraphs like this. I don't know why though. In fact, I hate pointlessly long paragraphs. They're a pain to read, do you not agree? This pointlessly long paragraph reminds me of something my mother read outloud once. It was something about a turtle crossing the street or something. She spent about 15 minutes reading it and guess what happened at the end. Guess. I'll tell you, shall I? Here I go, telling you. The turtle died. I don't know how though. I think it was run over by a car or truck or some other mobile vehicle of some sort. Stupid turtles. They always get run over. Much like deers. Have you noticed that if you drive right at a deer, it doesn't move? It just stand there all like "duuhrrrrr duuuuuuh frruuhsdduduh!!" As if it is suicidal or something. Well, I am done typing this pointlessly long pargraph, at any rate. So you may proceed in reading the actual fanfic if you would like to. Go on. Read it. It is so painfully obvious that I am just trying to fill space here so that the chapter is longer. Why don't you just skip this chapter? If you are still reading this, you need to get laid. Or you need to get out more. There IS a life outside of your apartment you know. Isn't that a song? Yes. I do believe it is. I like songs. But I must admit, I have never been to fond of rap music.Stupid rap music. I heard a humorous saying once that went somthing like this "Rap stands for 'retards attempting poetry'. However, I would beg to differ. I say that Rap stands for 'Rhinos ate Paul'. Who the hell this Paul guy is though, I haven't the faintest idea. In fact, You probably don't even know who he is either. If you review and say "I am the duck what is made of pie" plus something else about the chapter, then I will give you a special cameo appearacne in a future chapter. Don't you feel so special? I know that I sure as hell would. Wouldn't you? Did I already ask that question? Maybe I did. I am not sure. Rub their asses and magic happens. I got that quotable quote from Jhonen Vasquez. Jhonen is goo. Very goo. So is the pairing Gaahina. And hollyroot. I used to hate hollyroot though. But then I read a fanfic called "consequences of Nightmares" and I fell in love with the pairing. Oh god, I need to update Roys pepsi. My oh my, Obeythesnarf will be bitching about that later. Ho boy. Oh now wait a minute...It was actually Onesong05 who was telling mke to update that now wasn't it? Oh my, this paragraph has no purpose. I just realized that the word "half" ryhmes with the word "paragraph". How funny. Of course, it's not actually all that funny when you think about it. Although, some people simply crack the fuck up when they accidentally ryhme. Such as Onesong05's mother. However, onesong05's mother is a freak in the first place, so I suppose she doesn't really count. MY FACE ITCHES. Okay nevermind. I'm rather hungry right now. Maybe I should do something about that. But my parents didn't buy any ramen when they went grocery shopping. I'm listening to the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything because that song is cool and it always will be no matter what you or anyone else says so you can just shut the fuck up. I wonder how many sentacnes this pointless paragraph has in it. I just used an alliteration when I said pointless paragraph. For all the mentally idiotic reviewers in the audiecne, ann alliteration is the repitition of the same sound. That was also an aliiteation. And so was that come to think of it.Man I am just on a roll today with all these aliiterations. Isn't that great? If you're still reading this, then you deserve to know what the surprise is. But I'm not going to tell you the surprise unless you review damnit. Sop if you wanna hear the surprise you better review for this really stupid chapter right now bitch. I like chapter. I can't stop typing until this song it oevr. Maybe I have OCD or something. Kinda like Dr casey from Scrubs. I adore scrubs. And I also adore Ben from scrubs. Why did he have to die in the first place? Anyways, I hate skool. It sucks so badly. Kinda like certain yaoi pairings. Like RoyxEd or ZADR. But I like some yaoi pairings. Like hakuzabu that's a good one. Deidara should never grow a beard ever ever ever. that would be so evil. Just PURE evil. Tobi is a good boy. **YOUR MOMMA WAS A ZOIDBERG!**

**"**What's your idea?" asked Foaly. Jay smiled.

"Lets order pizza!" he exclaimed. Harriet gasped.

"Can we order Pineapple , Sasuge, Anchovie pizza?!" she asked excited. Foaly gave her a disgusted look.

"That sounds horrible..." He said. Harriet glared.

"Have you ever tried it?" she asked.

"Well...no but..."

"Well then don't say that it's gross" Harriet said. Magi grinned.

"Wow Harriet, you burned foaly." She complimented. Harriet shook her head.

"No. THIS is me burning Foaly." Harriet said, and she pointed to foalys tinfoil hat, "Did you knwo that Tinfoil actually amplifies brainwaves?"

Foaly grabbed his hat.

"No!"

"yes!"

Foaly had a random seizure. Shari picked up the phone.

"Anybody know the pizaa places number?" she asked.

Meanwhile at Corky, whom was currently planning world domination...

"Woof!" she laughed evilly, rubbing her paws together.

* * *

**Holy crap, that paragraph had NO PURPOSE.**

**If I get enough reviews for this chapter, I'll tell you the surprise next chapter:D**

**Review if you wanna hear the surprise.**

* * *


	20. LETS HAVE A PARTY! and the surprise

**If all you filthy reveiwers are good, then I might just tell you the surprise at the end of this chapter. But you can't skip to the end. And I'll KNOW if you do. **

**After all...I'm friends with Chuck Norris.**

* * *

Eventually, eveyone had decided on ordering one pineapple pizza, one cheese pizza, and one pizza with strawberries. The straberry pizza was suggested by Magi, whom claimed that the Japanese put strawberries on pizza. Shari thought this was gross. So did foaly. And Jay. And everyone else.

After 15 minutes of complaining about when the pizza would arrive, there was a knock at the door.

"PRAISE THE LORD!!!" declared harriet. Shari was about to hit her, but then she realized that she hadn't done anything annoying.

Magi answered the door and groaned.

"SARI! We thought that the pizza had arrived!" Magi complained. Sari had a laughing seizure which involved much foaming at the mouth.

"HA HA!!! " she foamed. Everyone kicked sari.

"So what kind of Pizza are you guys getting?" asked Sari, wanting to get JTHM flavoured pizza. (does that even exsist? OF COURSE IT DOES!!! AND I WANT SOME!!!)

"We're getting one pineapple, one cheese, and one...erm...strawberry..."Shari explained.

"HEY! Strawberry pizza is GOOD!" Magi protested.

" you're just like barbossa and his green apples..." Shari muttered.

Knock knock knock

Jay jumped up in the air.

"I'LL get it!!!!" he proclaimed, and he answered the door to reveil...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE! (dudududududud)

THE PIZZA DUDE!!!! (whom was actually not a dude. But a girl)

The pizza girl was wearing a nametag that read Freaky D. She was wearing a pin that said "Minerva is cool and HollyXArtemis SUCKS" She also had two antennaes sticking our of her head. But that's a different story altogether now isn't it?

"How much is it?" jay asked. Freaky D looked at a peice of paper.

"uh...45 dollars and 4 cents" She said. Jay frowned and turned to Sari.

"can i borrow your rubebr chicken blade?" Jay asked. Sari rubbed her chin.

"hmmmmmmmmmm...I'm makin' my thinkin' face...hmmmmmm...OKAY!" She mooed, handing Jay her rubber chicken blade. Jay turned back to Freaky D.

"THAT'S FAR TOO EXPENISVE!!" he screamed hitting Freaky with the rubber chicken blade.

"OWWIE! Fine fine! I'll lower the price! How about two dollars?" she asked. Jay smiled and handed the money to her. Freak D smiled and skipped away with her monies.

Meanwhile at Holly, Root, and Sool...

"OH GOOD GOD ROOT! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!" ark sool screamed. Root glanced around nervously.

"Well...err...I don't...like...you...at all..." He said. Sool burst into tears.

"OH GAWD!!!!! " He cried, and he ran away, hopefully to go commit suicide.

"...Has he always been like..um...y'know...?" asked Holly. Root shrugged.

"Well...if he has...er...that's the first time he's ever...said anything..."

There was an akward silence.

Meanwhile back at Foalys humble home which strangle enough, wasn't very humble at the moment...

"YAY SUGAR!!" screamed harriet.

"YAY PIZZA" screamed Sari

"YAY CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!" Screamed Magi. This got Sharis attention.

"WHERE?!" she asked, looking around. Magi giggled.

"In the krakens stomach." she said.

Shari hit her.

Magi whined.

Ho hum.

Suddenly, Jay jumped up on a table.

"I HAVE AN IDEA EVERYBODY! Lets get alot of soda, chips, popcorn, and cookies and then turn some blasting music on, and then invite the entire block over to have a huge party!!!"

"Jay, We shouldn't trash Foalys house. He'll get mad and kick us out." Shari protested. Everyone gasped at the fact that Harriet wasn't the one sucking the fun out of something , while Shari was.

"Foalys knocked out remember? He can't do anything" Sari mooed. Shari rolled her eyes.

"Even so, we shouldn't have a giant party."

"Captain Jack Sparrow is coming" Harriet said. Sharis eyes bulged.

"WELL THEN LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!" she screamed. And, instantly, a huge table of snacks appeared. Not to metion, party balloons, streamers, blasting music, bottles to spin, confetti, and pancake mix. Oh, and pandas in bakinis. X)

Sari ran outside and climbed up on Foalys roof. Magi spazzed.

"OMG! SARI! DON'T FALL DONT FALL DONT FALL!!!!" she begged. Sari rolled her eyes and then took a megaphone out of the magic pocket that she stole from Root.

" HEY EVERYBODY!!! THERE'S GONNA BE A HUUUUUUUGE PARTY OVER HERE IN THIS HOUSE I'M STANDING ON!!!!!" she yelled into the megaphone. Then, Slinko was reminded of a simpsons scene in which bart gets a whole crapload of megaphones and then...oh nevermind.

IMMEDIETLY, Hundreds of faries ran into Foalys house and began to cheese it!!! Even McJagger was there.

It sure was crazy.

Meanwhile at Root...

Holly had left Root a few minutes ago to go do something.

Root was bored. He hated being in the hospital.

Have you ever been in the hospital? I have.

I was there for two days I think. I needed surgery. It sucked. But I got to miss skool. But you wanna know what sucked about missing skool?

I missed the feild trip. But you wanna know what was good about that?

Even if I hadn't been in the hospital, I wouldn't have been able to go on the field trip.

You see, I was bad Slinko earlier on in the year. So I wasn't allowed to go.

I was supposed to be doing classwork ALLLLLLL day. But instead I was in the hospital.

Yay.

Anyways, back to the fanfic already in progress.

Suddenly, Dr. Yan-e-tor burst in through the window carrying what appeared to be a bloody kinfe-wrench (half knife, half wrench)

Yan-e-tor landed squarly in front of Root and abandoned his Knifewrench. He smiled.

"Julius Root, you are right handed, You have perfect 20/20 vision and your eyes are a dark brown. Though, when you were younger they were a lighter shade of brown. Your fathers middle name was Will. A drunk clown hit you once when you were seven. When you were younger, your older brother, turnball, pushed you in a snake pit. Later, this triggered a fear of large snakes. You have cheated on exactly 22 math tests and 3 history tests. And did I mention that you're secretly in love with-"

"SHUT UP! WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT?!" Root yelled. Yan-e-tor looked thoughful for a minute.

"Beats me" He admitted, and he dissapeared.

Root shuddered.

* * *

**Okay guys! Time for the surprise! (dundundundundundundun)**

**I like cheese!!!!!**

**Okay, time for the actual surprise;**

**I'm gonna write a sequal! **

**Yup. I bet you were all expecting me to come to your house and give you a bucket full of money weren't you? I bet THAT'S what you thought the surprise was.**

**well you were wrong. **

**wrong wrong wrong.**

**Review you filhty snarf toads.**

**Reveiw. **

* * *


	21. Da party

**(eye twitch)**

**MAH STOMACH HURTSES! **

**Disclaimer: Acid monkey**

* * *

The party at Foalys raged on throughout the night. Sari devoured popcorn and scared people, Magi listened to her favorite songs and ranted about great pairings and Shari looked for Captain Jack Sparrow and tried to stop Corky from eating all the food. Harriet and Jay, however, were nowhere to be seen. 

SUDDENLY, FOALY WOKE UP AND THEN SLINKO GOT TIRED OF WRITING THIS CHAPTER AND SHE WENT TO GO READ FANFICS ABOUT HER FAVORITE ARTEMIS FOWL PAIRING THAT **NOBODY** PAYS ANY ATTENTION TO!!!

erm anyways...So yes. Foaly woke up from blacking out. He looked around.

"What the? When did all these people get here?" He mumbled. Sari walked up to him with a soda.

"Oh ya. We're throwing a huge party. But that's okay with you right?" She asked. Foaly looked thoughtful.

"Okay. As long as you didn't invite _Opal_." He said. Sari was silent.

"...don't worry, I didn't invite her." She said. Foaly grinned.

"Well then I guess-" began Foaly, but he was cut off by blasting music.

Granted ALL the music was blasting, but this music was even more so. I had a cool dream last night. :)

The song began to play and instantly everyone knew what song it was, and who selected it.

It was the Animaniacs themesong. And Sammy had somehow gotten a hold of the stereo.

Sari put her head in her hands. If there was one person in thw world that was even less mature than she was, It was Sammy.

"YAY ANIMANIACS!!!!!" sammy screamed.

Keep in mind that Sammy is eligible to vote.

Anyway, Sari flew over to Sammy.

"Sammy, why are you playing the Animaniacs theme song? " sari mooed.

"Well , Spongebob, if you must know, It's because it's cool." Sammy replied.

"WHY DO YOU CALL ME SPONGEBOB!?!"

"Cuz!" sammy said, and she promptly flew away.

Meanwhile at Harriet and Jay...

"oh jay!"

Ermm...Meanwhile back at the party...

The partying continued long into the night. Here is a short summary of what happened

Pandas in bakinis danced into the night, Harriet and Jay had fun, several Goats were sacrificed to the party gods, Edward Elric shaved his head, Magi discovered that life is like a grapefruit, Shari and Sari complained about chickens eating ham, and Foaly forgot his own name.

"What's my name again?" asked foaly. Sari rubbed her hands together evilly.

Sari was about to say that Foalys name was Flarpinhassertagoofynuganforshizzilitisacurtipulishtamoonokakurtaloofadoofmahfoshnaglebungienerfinggurglefat, but she was interrupted by someone flying in through the window.

They were tallish, had mousey-brown hair and their eyes were a sort of Hazel colour. Actually, the eyes were more of a green/blue grey orangey colour.

"HOLLY AND TROUBLE SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE OUT!" screeched the person whom we shall now call scarily obsessed.

A cloud of darkness materialized near by scarily obsessed. Magi was in the center of said cloud. She slowly turned to Scarily obsessed and glared daggers at her.

"What did you just say?" Magi asked. Scarily crossed their arms.

"I said that Holly and Trouble should totally make out!" Scarily clarified.

"NO! ROOT AND HOLLY SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE OUT!" Bellowed Magi. Scarily narrowed their eyes.

"TROUBLE AND HOLLY!"

"ROOT AND HOLLY!"

"TROUBLE AND HOLLY!"

"**ROOT AND HOLLY!"**

**"TROUBLE AND HOLLY!"**

**"ROOT!"**

**"TROUBLE!" **

The fight was escalating at a dangerous pace. Luckily, Harriet walked over to stop it.

"I thought you and Jay were 'busy' " Magi said.

"We're not anymore." Harriet giggled. Jay walked by without and clothes on while whistling. Later, Shari would hit him and tell him to put pants on.

"But you guys shouldn't argue about who Holly should get paired with." Harriet said.

"Why not?" asked scarily.

"Because they can have a threesome!" Harriet laughed.

Eveyone beat Harriet up for being a pervert.

"What's my name!?" Foaly cried.

* * *

**MY EYES ARE THE EXACT SAME COLOUR AS SCARILY OBSESSED. SERIOSLY. LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE. THAT IS MY EXACT EYE COLOUR.**

**Erm..anyways...**

**The end draws near my loyal reviewers! Soon it will be time to finish Chaos in Haven and begin the sequal! And now I shall reveal the name of said sequal.**

**Drum roll please! (drum roll)**

**(Pulls little slip of paper out of envelope)**

**The title for the sequal for Chaos in Haven iiiissss...**

**CHAOS IN FOWL MANOR!!!! (insane clapping and cheering)**

**review damnit. **

* * *


	22. dreams

**Originally, I was gonna update Roys Pepsi.**

**BUT I CHANGED MAH MIND.**

**And I'm supposed to be doing homework right now.**

**But I'm not.**

**LAWLS.**

**And I discovered that I'm actually an Irken who crash landed on Earth several years ago. Yeah.**

* * *

Eventually, everyone at the party drifted off into sleep. 

Lets explore what they're all dreaming about shall we?

Who should we begin with?

I KNOW!!! Lets start with Magi shall we?

--------------------Inside Magis Dream------------------------------

Magi was just strolling about a cardboard city one day when she saw a strange man dart into a dark alleyway.

"IT'S SASUKE!" she exclaimed. Obviosly, It was sasuke. Cuz that's how dreams work.

Without actually going anywhere, Magi was in the alleyway with Sasuke.

The Uchiha (whom was now fat for some reason) turned to Magi.

"Wanna buy a watch?" He asked and then he suddenly lost 80 pounds.

Magi was thoughtful about this for a moment, but before she could answer sasuke ran off to earn a merit badge.

Magi left the alleyway and walked down the street.

She then saw Holly and Root making out.

"SQUEE!!" she squeeled and then she watched them make out for a bit.

Then, Suddenly, Roots head exploded.

"YOU CAD!" holly screamed while running away.

Magi cried.

-----------------------------------------------Back to reality------------------------

Shari yawned and scratched her nose.

FOOLISH NOSE.

--------------------------------Inside Sharis dream--------------------

Shari was flying around the city of moopsville when suddenly she was eaten by a giant monster with a liver disease.

By getting eaten by the monster, shari caught the very same liver disease.

She was immedietly rushed to the hospital so that the doctors could fix her liver.

Shari was sitting on the roof, waiting for the doctors to tell her if she was going to live. dr cox walked over.

"Well Cindy. The results are in. You're actually not a human." Cox said. Shari gasped.

"I'm NOT?"

"No. You're actually a Mary-sue" Dr Cox informed Shari.

Shari gasped and stabbed herself.

-------------------------Back to Reality----------------------

Shari winced and mumbled something about Captain Jack Sparrow hating mary sues.

Meanwhile at Turnball...

Turnball (whom seemingly dissapeared back in chapter whatever) was in jail.

To be more exact, he was sleeping in jail.

Lets explore his dream (in jail)

------------------------Inside Turnballs dream (in jail)--------------

Turnball looked left.

Then he looked right.

Then he smiled and ripped off his mask to reveil himself to be...

ur mom.

--------------------back to reality(in jail)----------------

Turnball giggled and fell out of bed (in jail)

"...oooooowwwwwww..." he mumbled in his sleep.

Suddenly, Turnball woke up and jumped in the air.

"I'M NOT A COMMON CRIMINAL!" he screamed.

All the other prisoners threw stuff at him.

Meanwhile LEMONS erm...I mean...meanwhile at Jay!!!!

Jay had a random seizure in his sleep.

'_**MAWHHAJKASHYASDASODDRSITS0DO0BI9FDTI-0DV'FPYIZODRP JSEOTPS**_" he whispered quietly.

--------------------Inside Jays dream--------------------------

Jay looked around him. Darkness was the first thing he was aware of. Overwhelming darkness. And then, a crushing wieght.

After that came extreme coldness. Jay fell to the ground. The weight was to much to bear.

Jay lay on the ground and coughed.

A pool of blood formed around him. The blood engulfed him and he began drowning.

Suddenly, a hippo jumped down from the sky and rescued him.

"I LIKE MAH POPTARTS!" the hippo exclaimed. Jay gasped.

"Only on wednesdays!" Jay said. The hippo laughed and flew back to the north pole.

"Ho ho horace and morris!" santa laughed.

"BUT WHAT ABOUT..._**DOLOROS?!"**_ jay asked.

-------------------------------------back to reality----------------------

Jay giggled.

"hippo..." he mumbled. Then he giggled again.

Sari heard Jay giggled from all the way on the other side of the house. She howled in her sleep.

----------------------------------------------Inside Saris dream------------------

WHENALLOFASUDDENAWHOLECRAPLOADOFMONKEYSFLEWINTHROUGHTHEWINDOWANDBEGANTOEATPIES!!!!

FUCKINGPIES!!!!!!!

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

e-hem.

Sari laughed like the maniac she was and jumped in the air. She posed like someone from the matrix and stayed like that in the air for a while. Suddenly, machine guns flew over to her and ate her liver. But then she got her liver back and all was goooooooood.

But then everything exploded and Sari glomped Jhonen.

"I've had to many dreams where this has happened." sari mumbled.

------------------------------------------Back to reality----------------------------------------------------------

Sari laughed.

Meanwhile at Harriet...

Harriet mumbled and turned over.

-----------------------------------------inside harriets dream-------------------------------------------------

Harriet jumped in the air.

"Oh no my feet are gone! Skylar help me find my feet!" she said to her younger brother.

"Wait I'm almost done with level ten"

"SKYLAR! MY LEGS ARE DISSAPEARING!"

"I'm almost done...waiiiit"

"SKYLAR! SKYLAR HELP!"

harriet disappeared and was reincarnated as a bug.

"Not again!" she moaned.

-------------------------------------back to reality-------------------------------------

harriet snored.

Meanwhile at JULIUS...

Root swore at slinko for calling him Julius and continued Sleeping.

------------------------------------Inside JULIUS' dream--------------------------------------------

Root was sitting on a bench in the middle of haven.

"I miss my ice cream cone" he sobbed. Foaly trotted over to him.

"What flavor was it?" he asked.

"rasberry"

"that's too bad"

Root cried.

"OH FOALY! I ARE SAD! ARTEMIS STOLE MAH ICED CREAMS!" he screamed in foalys face.

Foaly shuddered and blinked out of exsistence. He was replaced by a strange man named Joopy Bumblebug.

"Hello! My name is Joopy Bumblebug! And I love Dr Pepper!" Joopy Bumblebug announced.

"I know." said Root, despite the fact that he had never seen him before.

Then, a goose ate them all.

-----------------------------------------------------back to reality-----------------------------------------

Roots eye twitched.

meanwhile at foaly...

Foaly wasn't asleep.

He was playing video games.

On the computer.

He was playing world of warcraft. His screename was Smurthorse666

Foalys eye twitched and he took a sip of some pepsi.

Corky, whom was sleeping in the corner, sneezed.

------------------------------------------Inside corkys dream-------------------------------

"Woof?" said the first

"woof!" said the second

"woooooooof!" said the third

"woof!" said both the first and second.

Bacon fell from the sky.

----------------------------------------back to reality----------------------------

Corky randomly woke up and walked to the kitchen.

Meanwhile at Holly...

Holly winced in her sleep.

----------------------------------------inside hollys dream--------------------------------

"HEY HOLLY! DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME!?!?!" mulch screamed.

Hollys eye twitched.

----------------------------------------back to reality---------------------------------------

meanwhile at wally goofadoof...

Wally was having a peaceful sleep.

He screamed.

Wally had been assasinated.

* * *

**OMFG!!!! I KILLED WALLY!!!!!! BAD SLINKO!!!! BAD!!!!!**

**Woof. **

**(translation: review)**

**

* * *

**


	23. The final Chapter

**_THE FINAL CHAPTER OF CHAOS IN HAVEN. OH MY GOD. LA WOOT. _**

**_SINCE IT'S THE FINAL CHAPTER, I'VE DECIDED TO TYPE LIKE THIS FOR THE AUTHORS NOTES. COOL HUH? YUP..._**

**_SO ANYWAYS, THE SEQUAL WILL BE CALLED "CHAOS IN FOWL MANOR" AND IT'S GONNA STAR EVERYONES FAVORITE LITTLE CRIMINAL, ARTY!!!!!_**

**_AND THUS, THE FINAL CHAPTER OF CHAOS IN HAVEN BEGINS!_**

**_RIGHT NOW._**

**_HERE IT GOES._  
**

* * *

Corky opened her lil doggy eyes in the morning and looked around. She woofed. 

"Bacon..." she woofed under her breath, and she trotted off.

Meanwhile everyone else was piling into a shuttlepod to take them back to the surface.

Now, normally, none of them would go back on their own.

But they all had to attend an important business meeting.

In other words, It was Halloween and they couldn't miss out on free candy.

Shari picked up Corky and walked into a jet that was parked in Foalys front lawn. Foaly had only just notcied the shuttlepod so he was just a bit shocked.

"HOW DID YOU GET THIS HERE?!" he yelled. Sari laughed gladly.

"Lets just say that I happen to know some government officials from other planets." she said. Foaly lifted an eyebrow. Sari, for some obscure reason, did that creepy eyebrow thing. Foaly backed away from her nervously. Magi, Harriet and Jay walked over.

"Lets go Sari." Said Harriet calmly. Sari nodded.

"Rather. We must depart and return to our humble homes. After all, no proper lady would be caught underground." Sari said in a british accent. Then, all the british readers threw garbage at Slinko for making fun of them.

"AND ONCE WE GETS HOME, WE GONNA GET CANDI!!!!" harriet screamed. Sari Had a seizure and stopped pretending to act like a lady.

"**_WHAT THE HELL ARE WE STILL DOING HERE??!!?!??! LETS GO GET SOME CANDIES!!!!" _**Shari screamed.

Nothing known to man can stop a fangirl from endlessly stalking her prey. Nothing except for candi. (and muffins but they qualify as candi) This is why Shari was willing to leave Haven.

Jay walked over to the group and grinned at Harriet. Harriet grinned at Jay. They were both happy that day. cough cough

After saying their goodbyes to everyone as quickly as they could, they all ran into the shuttlepod, eager to steal some candi from babies.

Did I say steal? I meant mug. They were ready to mug old ladies for candi. Yes of course. (shifty eyes)

Well, anyways, everybody was ready to leave when Magi jumped out the window and over to holly, whom was suddenly there.

Magi poked Holly in the forehead and smiled insanely. Holly lifted an eyebrow.

"What?" She asked. Magi took out a little clock on a chain and began swinging it in front of her face slowly. Shari smacked herself in the face.

"Oh for the love of Jiraiya Magi! You can't hypnotize Holly to fall in love with Root!" Shari yelled. Magi glared at her.

"YOU SHUT UP!!!! I CAN DO WHATEVER I DAMN WELL WANT!!!!" she yelled.

"Except for poke Hobos. Only Jhonen can do that" Said Sari.

"Go away Sari" Said Shari.

"No" replied Sari.

"Jhonen wants you to"

"Okay" said sari and she went away. Shari turned back to Magi whom was trying to hypnotize Holly again. Shari smacked her. Magi yelled. Ho-hum.

"I can make her fall in love with Rooty if I want to!!!" Magi protested. Shari gave her a quizzical look.

"Rooty?" she asked. Magi laughed.

"Yes! As in ROOTY TABOOTY!" Magi yelled. Immedietly, Sari flew threw the air and punched her in the face.

"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!" she screamed and she devoured Magis head. Unfortunetly, It grew back. Everybody booed and then got on with their lives.

"What were we talking about?" asked Shari. Magi hide the watch behind her back.

"You were right about to go and find the Foaly and Root notebook" Magi said.

"Oh yeah" Said Shari and she walked away to go find that glorious clump of paper and pencil.

"As I was saying miss Short, You will fall in love with Commander Julius Root of The LEP" Magi ordered. Hollys eyes went blank.

"_I will fall in love with--_"

"Yes yes you'll fall in love with him. You don't have to repeat everything I say, that's just annoying" Magi said. Holly nodded obedeintly.

Magi squeeled like the pathetic Root/Holly fangirl the she is.But then she had to stop because Foaly got out his shotgun.

"GET OUFFA MAH LAWN YA WHIPPASNAPPAS!!" he elephanted. (Did you know that elephant was a verb? I didn't)

FUCK. I NEED TO GO GET READY. I HAVE ONLY HALF AN HOUR LEFT BEFORE TRICKOR TREATING BEGINS. BUT I NEED TO FINISH THIS. FUUUUUCCCCKKKKKEEEEERRRRRDOOOODDDDLLLLLEEEE!!!!!

Once everybody was finally in the shuttlepod and Shari had located the Foaly and Root ntoebook, the shuttlepod began to fly away.

None of them wanted to leave Haven. But they knew that they had to handle this displeasure as maturly as they could.

Everybody cried and threw tantrums.

Due to traffic, it took three hours to return to the surface. (these three hours were filled with so much complaining that it frightens even me. See how I shuddder?)

OHMYGOD!!!!!

THIS TIME THERE REALLY **IS** A HIDEOUS MONSTER ABOUT TO DEVOUR YOUR HEAD BEHIND YOU!!!!! TURN AROUND!!! TURN AROUND BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!

wow you sure are gullible!!!

Once the suttlepod landed and they all jumped out the windows, everyone begin writhing on the ground howling something about how the light burns.

"But It's nighttime." Harriet pointed out, utterly sucking the fun out of the situation.

"Harriet, you such a funsucker. I can't believe you would OHMYGOD! NIGHTTIME!! THAT MEANS THAT WE CAN GO TRICKORTREATING NOW!!!!" screamed Sari.

Everyone had a seizure of joy and then they walked off into the night to go mug old ladies and steal their candi/wallet.

* * *

**And thus, Chaos in Haven comes to an end. I'm serisoly depressed about this. **

**Thank you all for your kind (and sometimes grammatically incorrect) reveiws. They were so great! And grammatically incorrect! **

**HOLY MONKEYS FLINGING SHIT. IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR TRICKORTREATING. :D**

**Anyways, The sequal will be put up sometime within the next millenium so don't you worry your revolting little heads!**

**And if you don't reveiw, i'll gut ya!**

**Fin. **

* * *


End file.
